LDR Advice from Michelle and Frank

<< Back to Long Distance Advice Q&A's

I want to pursue an LDR

July 30, 2008


I met a wonderful man recently but, as you might guess, there’s the distance issue. Back to the beginning…..we met at a festival, our camps were next to each other and we all ended up hanging out. We spent the last night just us, pretty much ditched the 10 other people we were camping with. It was a great night. In the end we exchanged numbers and decided to keep in touch.

Now the sticky part….I really want to pursue this relationship. The distance would be an issue but it could be overcome. I need to know how to help this along without being pushy. I don’t want to seem like a stalker but really want to give this a try. It didn’t feel like a one night thing for me and I don’t think it did for him either. So how do I find out his real feelings at a distance?

HELP!!! Why is it you finally find that person you really connect with and he’s there and you’re here. How do you make the contact that you have mean something?

Cindy

Michelle says…

Since you are already keeping in touch with this man, the best way to figure out his feelings are to ask him. You may do so indirectly to avoid sounding “pushy.” Start by telling him your feelings. Tell him that you really had a great time with him. Tell you have been thinking about him a lot and that he is the type of guy you could see yourself with. Acknowledge that you know that the distance may be an issue but that you see this as a way to get to know each other better without rushing things, and what you’re personally willing to do to overcome the distance (are you able to visit him? How often?…) After you have told him your feelings wait for his response or ask him if he feels the same. If he doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with you, respect his decision. You’ll have no choice but to move on.

The fact that he wanted to keep in touch with you is really encouraging, and a good sign that he may have similar feelings. Long distance relationships are becoming more and more common and there are ways to keep connected despite the distance (phone, instant messaging, webcams, email, etc…)

Remember, there’s nothing ever wrong with being honest, and your honesty about your feelings may be the only thing you need to get this relationship started. Don’t all relationships start out this way? (excluding arranged marriages :P)

Michelle

Frank says…

Hello. Well, I personally feel that you can not keep your feelings of love (or extreme liking) to yourself. It eats away at you after a time. So, hopefully you have his email address. Write him an email to tell him that you would like to pursue this relationship. Tell him how good you felt that night spending time with him and you would like to get to know him more. Don’t write him poems of love and devotion, of course. But try to keep your email fairly casual. Mostly focus it on that you felt a connection, and it would be foolish to ignore it (since it was so strong).

The reason I say use an email, and keep it casual, is because this way he can reply on his own time. If you call him and say this to him, it puts him on the spot immediately. He might be embarrassed or shy. If he feels that way, it would have a bad result. Also, with the email, you can tell by how long he takes to respond how he feels. If you wait a couple days for a response, you know that he doesn’t really feel the same and that he is too nice to say no. If he responds immediately, you know he was thinking the same thing and that he was like you: afraid to ask. The worst thing is not asking.

After a couple of days, with no response, you should call and say, “I sent you an email, did you get it? What do you think about what I said?”

Good luck!

Frank

<< Back to Long Distance Advice Q&A's

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *