LDR Advice from Michelle and Frank

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Boyfriend, studying abroad, wants to live single life after 7 year relationship

I am having a really serious problem dealing with this long distance relationship at this point of time. I’ve came across your website and I decided to ask for your help. My boyfriend left me for studies in Australia and the course takes him 2.5years to complete. He went over last summer and came back after half a year and everything went well between the both of us. We were together for 7 years now. And recently, we had a fight. This is mostly due to the frustration I had when I wasn’t able to get enough attention from him. And in the rush of mind I said things like it might be better to leave each other alone for the time being. I really regretted deeply now and I want to salvage the relationship as we both still love each other. But my boyfriend says that he want to try single life and experience undergraduate’s life fully without needing to think about me all the time. He says it’s mostly due to the distance problem and it would not have happened if he’s back here with me.

Do you think I should really let go of him? Let him experience life without me? But I do really love him and I don’t bear to leave him. My friends are asking me to fly over and settle it if I can afford it. He will only be back this December and I do not know if he will look for me then. What should I do? Is there anyway I could salvage the relationship?

Troubled Love

Michelle says…

We all say things we end up regretting. First, you should talk to your boyfriend and confess that you did not mean the words that you said. Maybe he didn’t mean what he said either and was frustrated as well. He probably only said that he wanted to live the “single life” and not have to worry about you because he was mad about your complaints of wanting more of his attention. We are all tempted to say hurtful things when someone makes us upset. I’ve been on your side of this situation myself. There have been many times when I wished I could have had more of Frank’s attention. We’ve had this same EXACT argument, with the threats to part ways and leave each other because the distance was too much for us. We eventually resolved those arguments, though they still tend to creep up on us sometimes. So as I said before, tell your boyfriend how you really feel and that you didn’t mean what you said. After you tell him your real feelings, apologize and tell him you’re sorry for what you said. Your heartfelt words and apology may ease him up a bit and you might find out that he didn’t mean what he said either. So no, I don’t think you should let go of him; definitely not after a 7 year relationship. You both have obviously put a lot into a relationship for it to have lasted this long. Don’t let this go too easily, especially since you said you both still love each other, which means you both can still work this out. Tell him about the possibility of you traveling to visit him. He might like that idea, and it would be very good for the both of you to see each other. Frank and I have had arguments in the days before we planned to travel to go see one another, and we have always immediately reconciled the moment we see each other. A big squeeze and a kiss is all that takes me to set all hard feelings aside. Seeing each other reminds us of what we have together and that it’s not worth losing. So if you can afford to go to Australia, definitely go for it. He’ll appreciate it your effort and he’ll probably enjoy showing you around in a place you haven’t been before.

Michelle

Frank says…

I personally feel that taking a break to “try single life” means a few things. One, it means that you feel that your girlfriend is not the best thing for you. Two, it means that you have lost interest in your girlfriend. Three, it means that you are no longer in a relationship that is guaranteed to last. Think about this, if two people are maried, and the guy wants to go “see” other people, they have to get a divorce. It means that you are no longer in love with your wife and want to have another relationship. There is no definate in getting back with that person; your marriage is over. That is how I look at relationships. The day I decide that I want to date/see other people is the day that I don’t want to be with Michelle. Of course there are times I threaten this, and say things out of anger (like you did and he may), but I truely don’t mean it. However, there is some upside to the break… I believe that if you want to salvage this relationship, you need to give him the time to “experience the undergraduate life.” However, you should request that he does not enter physical relations, unless he intends to never come back to you. He obviously wants to grow as a person, try new things, meet new people, etc. at college. But he should be able to live the single life without giving you up. YES! it is frustrating to be apart, but if you think of the bright side of this whole thing, you are also giving him the chance to get some time to be sure that he wants to be with you, and this will make your relationship stronger in the end. I hope this helps Troubled Love.

Frank

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