LDR Advice from Michelle and Frank

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I caught him in another long distance relationship

Been in an LDR for approx. 16 months, met online, met face to face 6 months into it – truly loving this guy. (I’m American, he is African.) My PROBLEM is that I discovered another online woman “found her soulmate” in the same man I’d been committing my heart to!

He says he wants to start over with me, but I’m seriously thinking of letting him go, because I’m having a hard time trusting him again.

How do I forgive & forget??

Denise

Michelle says…

As you probably already know, trust is crucial in a long distance relationship. If we don’t have trust we spend our time away from our long distance partner worrying, and it leads to problems in the relationship. So if you can’t trust him again (which I don’t blame you if you can’t) then it would be wise to walk away and not look back. Forgiving and forgetting is probably going to take a long a time, since you devoted yourself to this man for over a year. It’s a lot to let go of. You get into a habit in long distance relationships where you call or go online at certain times of the day to talk to your long distance partner. You may find yourself thinking a lot about him during these times of the day. Try filling this time with something else. Watch a movie, read a book, go out, do anything except going online, tempting yourself to talk to him and avoid just sitting around doing nothing or else you’ll dwell on him. Eventually you can probably get yourself into a new routine that doesn’t involve him, and you’ll slowly, but surely get over this man. He wronged you, so if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive him, then that’s okay, no one says you have to. If you didn’t find out about this other woman, he would still be doing this behind your back. What you can do is put this behind you and move on. Don’t let this man con you again, it seems he had motives other than love to be with you.

Michelle

Frank says…

So, your online guy had two online women and you were one of them. And he made her believe that they were soulmates? I think you might be in a situation where you found yourself a cheater (If my understanding of your question is true). Cheaters are almost incurable. I think you need to get over this guy and move on with your life.

However, if for some distant reason, you do really want to continue this relationship, you need to force yourself to understand that “the past is the past. It happened, and it can not be changed. The future is a path that we will walk together.” If he truly loves you, he will not mess around with other girls online or in person.

But, like I said, this guy has cheated, and is not really worth your time.

Frank

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