Say Goodbye

Dear Miss U,
My long distance boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. The first 5 years were amazing, better than I could have asked for. However, over the last 2 years, something switched. My boyfriend constantly avoided talking about our future and asked why I was trying to “rush” things. Then, enter the toxic world of politics and a pandemic and he became a person that I don’t recognize. He has become judgemental, arrogant and someone who always needs to be right, even when he’s not. There was a time during the pandemic where I wasn’t doing well mentally (thanks, 2020) and I needed him to be there for me. Instead, he would respond to my struggles with a “bigger picture” comment or a political fact. I found myself having to deal with essentially everything completely alone.

What is Real?

Dear Miss U,
I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years 4 days ago. We were living in the same country for 3 years and we were in a LDR for 3 years due to his work. Things are okay between us, communication is constant (chats and video calls every day), random surprises, movie dates while in a video call. We constantly made an effort to make each other feel loved despite the distance. We had our arguments but we smoothed them out. We had plans to get married and I will move to UK with him.
3 weeks ago he said he’s starting to get used to feeling alone and he views our relationship as superficial. That he’s feeling miserable (he was unable to go home this year due to Covid). He didn’t communicate for 5 days then called me to say, “Sorry. I slept with someone. I feel broken. I can’t promise to not do it again.”

Not a Silly Question

Dear Miss U,
My partner and I are about to hit the 2-year mark and it has been quite a journey. The global pandemic has made things a little difficult as border restrictions are tough and it will be a while till we are both are able to freely travel safely. Recently, I have faced a lot of stress juggling university, work, applications, business, and family commitments. The stress has reflected in my moods and I am becoming negative and moody (I don’t mean to be). I question my relationship and my insecurities creep up telling me I am not worth the wait. I don’t like the way that I can be negative because he will slowly start to not enjoy being with me. We plan to close the gap at the end of next year – but I can’t help but feel that maybe he doesn’t want that? (despite me knowing he is excited).

Holding Her Hostage

Dear Miss U,
My girl and I are from the same country but I’m in Europe as an asylum seeker given the current problems in my home country. She’s still there though. I don’t know when I’ll be able to go back home to be with her and for some reasons she can’t join me where I’m at. Am I doing right by her asking her to wait for me for an unknown number of years? I love her and I know she loves me too which should normally make things easy but it doesn’t, unfortunately. I don’t wanna let her go but by not doing that I’m I holding her life “hostage”?

Long Road to Japan

Dear Miss U,
…We matched online and the conversation started flowing, began texting the next day, and haven’t stopped talking every day since we met. It’s like we didn’t expect to click so well and we both found that we are extremely attracted to each other; physically, intellectually and etc. We hung out a few weeks after we started talking every day and ended up spending 2 days/nights together lol 🙂

After that, we liked each other even more and he consistently kept communication flowing every day. Then we hung out a few weeks later again and spent 1 night with each other but it wasn’t supposed to be the last.
I didn’t get to spend any more time before he left to his hometown before deploying to Japan.

He leaves soon but I’m just bummed about the situation. We still talk as if we are in a relationship and he wants to maintain communication overseas over time. There are no pressures from either of us on each other either. But we have established that we like each other VERY much and ultimately want to make it work in the long run. How do we go about this?

He’s all-in, she’s got cold feet.

Dear Miss U,
… We only get time to talk at night. Sometimes we talk, sometimes it’s just arguing. About sext… I always have to make first move, she almost never makes first move. It’s been months now, no sext she doesn’t seem to care that much. I’m thinking maybe it’s my fault, I’m not fun enough or because I’m making her wait for me for so long so she’s exhausted. I will go to France for an IT job and we’re planning to live together there (need French work visa). It’s been a lot of time that we’ve been apart from each other so there isn’t that spark anymore. It doesn’t feel the same as before. [read more]

Break-ups: You’re Doing It Wrong

Dear Miss U,
My partner and I have been together for 4 years in total, and next month we’ll hit the two-year mark for being LDR. At first, it wasn’t too bad, but 2 years is a long time to only see each other roughly every 6 months. Lately, I feel really emotionally removed from our relationship. I don’t know if the time it’s been being LDR has made it into an “out of sight, out of mind” type of thing, but I just don’t feel any romance anymore. Things I try to do to help that while being LDR just don’t feel the same like they do in person. Physical touch and time together are really important to me and definitely are my main love languages, so trying to do things we’d normally do together in person over FaceTime just doesn’t cut it; it doesn’t feel the same. It just feels like we’re single friends who text and FaceTime. [read more]

How To Be Magnetic

Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend and I have known each other for about 4 years, and during that time we broke up and get back together several times. It’s been about a year that we have been serious about our goals, but have not met yet because of different problems and conditions occurring (like visa problem, travel cost and now quarantine). We broke up a month ago, and I didn’t contact him. As long as I was fully ignoring him he was reaching out many times, and yesterday he asked to get back together… I told him maybe. The main reason we broke up was because during the last 2-3 months of our relationship he started paying less attention to me and we were not talking at all, only few texts in the morning. Also, I am having trust issues about him being devoted, I think he flirts with other girls on social media… [read more]

Unpacking Questions

Dear Miss U,
I really need your advice and I’m not sure where to go with this. My ex and I (been spilt up a year) started talking, fooling around together again about 4 months ago, and really enjoying his company again. He’s in the army and the relationship ended because he was cheating on me with another girl on deployment. We aren’t back together, even though I told him I loved him all this time and it hasn’t faded. I think he’s my ‘one.’ He got deployed again yesterday to Cyprus, until September. I know we aren’t together and I know he has no loyalties to me but what if he sleeps with someone else? [read more]

Break or Break-Up?

Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend said I’m the one that needs to take a break to know if I can really date him because he used some girl as his WhatsApp profile picture just to piss me off… I got mad and was asking questions, he turned the whole thing against me and asked me to take a break. I’m so confused, I’m wondering if he wants to break up with me but too cowardly to say it? [read more]