Dear Miss U,
So, I’ve known him for 3 1/2 years now. We were just friends with benefits at first, but of course I started to fall in love with him. He had his problems in life and it hasn’t been an easy road for him. I’ve accepted him and loved him regardless his faults. He asked to be with me last year and of course I said yes. We were together for about 3 months and he broke up with me saying he needed time to get his life together. It was hard for me because I waited so long to be with him so I stopped talking to him for months to try and move on. It didn’t work. Every single day I cried for him and missed him. We didn’t talk for a good 6 months. I eventually found out he moved 800 miles away to better his life. A few months ago he came back to visit and we spent a lot of time together. Now that he’s back so far away we talk everyday online and write to each other through snail mail. He tells me he “has a lot of love for me” even called me his soul mate. We’ve been through so much together and we have that connection that we both never felt with anybody before. We made a promise that we’d both wait for each other. I want to make us official…I’m tired of waiting. The only thing missing is the title, but he says he doesn’t like the distance thing and he need to focus on himself. I feel like if he really wanted to be with me he’d be with me regardless. Am I being selfish or is he just playing games? Am I wrong for pushing him to be with me? Am I stupid for waiting so long for him?
You’re not stupid, let’s clear that right up. However, I’m wondering how long he really needs to focus on himself. If I’m reading this right, he’s been putting you off for at least a year. What is he doing to get back on track while he’s “focusing on himself”? Because if he’s not actually taking steps towards some goal that he can’t achieve while in a relationship with you, he’s probably just stringing you along. It does sound an awful lot like he just does not want the added responsibility those titles will bring.
One thing I learned a long time ago is: You don’t treat your soul mate badly. I’m not sure it’s even possible – because their happiness, their well-being, is paramount; more important to you than your own. I’m not saying if you are really his soul mate, he’d give you everything you’ve ever asked for, but I do think if he felt that deeply about you, he’d be with you regardless, as you have said.
I would ask him what exactly “putting his life together” is entailing, and when he thinks that project will be complete enough for is life to better include you.
Dear Miss U,
How can I spice up the long distance relationship? After 2 years and 4 months me and my partner are finally going to see each other in person face to face. With only 20 days left until we see each other but lately my partner constantly says she is bored. She loves me with all heart and has proved it on more than one occasion and I love her too.
But please how can I make sure she does not grow bored of me so close to us seeing each other?
Congratulations on lining up your first meeting ADBC! That’s a big step.
Unfortunately, LDRs can become very boring, and even stifling, due to the need to constantly be strapped to the phone or internet to “be together”. You can mix it up a little by varying where you talk to each other. Call her while she’s doing her grocery shopping or walking her dog. You can also send small inexpensive gifts, or try working on a project together (perhaps an online scrapbook of your first meet photographs?) Sometimes though, you just need to talk less and let each other go out and have fun. The important thing to remember is that she’s not bored of you – she’s just bored with the situation.
I do find that it’s very common for couples to get restless and spend more time with other friends and family right before visits take place. Don’t let it worry you. Find things to do together other than just talking. The list of things to do found on this site is a great place to start.