Dear Miss U,
I was just informed that my boyfriend is moving 6 hours away and I’m worried. I’ve been told horrible things about LDRs such as while we talk on the phone, he could have another girlfriend on the side. I don’t know what to do. I love him so much and would do anything for him. I know I’m young, but he’s different.
Dear Heartbroken Texan,
If it’s one of your peers saying that, you look them dead in the face and say, “No, while he talks on the phone to me he has his dick in his hand!” That ought to shock them into silence.
The fact is there are just as many people in LDRs having affairs as there are people living together, married, and having affairs. Some cheaters will use the distance as an excuse for infidelity, but that’s all it is – an excuse. They likely would have been unfaithful, regardless. What you and your boyfriend need to do to guard against infidelity is keep your relationship interesting, fulfilling, engaging, fun, and flirty. If your relationship is meeting the needs you both have, neither of you will look outside of it. Nurture your relationship, practice gratitude rather than getting bogged down about physical proximity, and ignore or avoid the haters as best you can.
LDR is what you make of it. It can be awesome. Don’t give naysayers the power to steal your happiness.
Dear Miss U,
My name is Billy. I live in Indiana. Recently my girlfriend moved to Pennsylvania to be with her son. While there she started acting really different towards me. We had our arguments, but in one argument she told me she didn’t love me anymore. We haven’t talked in about a week and a half. She just texted me today wanting me back. But she says I whine too much when I tell her how I feel. She won’t let me talk about my feelings at all. She actually told me to treat her like we just met and I am trying to win her over. Although she claims there is no one else in the picture, I feel like there is. She had a cellphone with 500 minutes on it and claimed to have used them all on making appointments for her son, but that shouldn’t have even taken 100 minutes. But based on what I just told you do you think she has someone else in the picture? And do you think she is just holding on to me as a backup plan? She also told me one time that she needs to work on herself before she can work on us and we already had a relationship where we lived together for 6 months and we were with each other every day for 6 months. Then all of a sudden she claimed to want to move to be with her son and I am having legal issues. I was supposed to move with her next month but she is acting funny.
Just because she says she has no minutes left, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have them; just because it’s unlikely she spent 500 minutes making appointments, doesn’t mean she was on the phone with another man. That’s always the first conclusion people jump to “oh my partner must be cheating,” when there are 100 other equally as valid reasons people act strangely. Maybe she was on the phone to her best friend trying to figure out whether Billy’s ‘the one’ or not! What I can tell you is that relationships without trust are doomed to a firey death. Either trust her (fully trust her, don’t give me this “I trust her, just not other men” garbage because the only one you need to trust is her.) or if you can’t trust her, let her go.
Personally, I’m erring on the side of letting her go regardless, because a woman who isn’t interested in your feelings and input about the relationship isn’t a woman who values and respects you. You’re supposed to court her now but she’s not interested in actually working on the relationship? Uh no. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit.
As a parent, I can understand the drive to be reunited with her son, and we can both have sympathy for how tiring and stressful the transition may have been for her, but overall I think you need to listen to your intuition here. There’s something funny going on, and if I were you, I’d choose to not be a part of it.