Dear Miss U,
Hello! I am currently 17 years old and my boyfriend is 24 years old. We’ve known each other for 6+ years on Facebook, dated on January 26-June, then we broke up but we decided to date each other again on September 28th since I’ll be 18 and will be more comfortable.
This isn’t the first time I’ve been in an LDR. Whenever I’m in an LDR, people always bash me and say, “It will never happen,” “It won’t work”, etc. I was almost catfished at the time which is the reason I sort of have doubts about LDRs.
I’m also in my first year of college. I want a BSN in nursing. I live in Michigan, but he lives in Florida and works in a metal factory.
I really want this to work, but everyone always makes me so nervous to even try because I’m scared that my heart will be broken or that it doesn’t work and everything I did goes to waste.
I want to meet him of course and I want to be with him, so badly… But it hurts me when others doubt us because then it makes me feel bad and hopeless.
How do you guys manage to deal with the hate?
It irritates me when people say that LDRs don’t work because there’s an abundance of NPRs (near proximity relationships) that also don’t work out. Break-ups and heartache are a fact of dating in general, not something exclusive to distance. Around half of all marriages don’t work. Should we all just stop getting married? It’s ridiculous.
Mr. E and I have dealt with very little hate. For example, I can count on one hand the amount of times someone alluded to Mr. E being unfaithful because, “You’d never know,” and each time I shut them down with, “oh no, he masturbates way too often for that to be physically possible!” which tended to embarrass them so much they changed the subject. Having an answer ready-to-go for the most common nay-saying I found really beneficial, that way I didn’t stumble awkwardly through explanations to questions nobody had the right to be asking.
Always remember your relationship is no one else’s business and even if you make a mistake it’s your life – you’re entitled to make and learn from your own decisions!
Beyond that, we make sure to surround ourselves with supportive people. Those who put our partners down, question or undermine our relationship tend not to stay in our social circles.
Lastly, act confident even if you don’t feel it. I swear other humans can smell weakness. If you appear unsure, they will take that as an opening to attack.
Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend has recently moved to college states away. It’s only been a month in and he is saying it’s really hard. He admitted to me that he has been avoiding calling me or Facetime because he says it makes him sad (but also happy, but mostly sad) which I kind of understand. He is sort of pushing me away by doing that, and our text conversations aren’t the same; he can’t keep a conversation going. He replied with, “Yup, so, okay,” a lot. So it just seems, from my view, that he is upset with me. Today we had this huge fight I guess. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me? And he told me he doesn’t know, he doesn’t want us to be sad for 3 more months until we see each other again but he doesn’t want to lose me. And the other thing is my best girlfriend and I are going to the same college as him in January. I just want us to hold on to each other but he makes it hard. We love each other, it’s just we don’t know what to do to not be sad these last few months.
Three months is such a short amount of time, you’d be literally throwing the relationship away over nothing. It makes no sense at all.
Yes, parting is painful but living with the regret of throwing away a magical bond would be far worse, so it’s time he puts the whole situation into perspective. The attitude you bring to your LDR is critical to its success. If you’re always down about it and bringing negative energy, that festers and poisons the relationship; whereas if you practice gratitude and focus on what makes your relationship awesome not only will the relationship survive but you might actually enjoy your LDR.
There are a bunch of romantic gestures that aren’t effective in NPRs that the two of you should be embracing.
Failing that though, I recommend you do more, stay busy, and talk less. Just pass the time, and put this behind you. In a long-term, long distance relationship that would never work, but you can put up with basically anything for three months.
Relationships are sometimes really uncomfortable. We’re not always going to be happy or getting along, and that’s important for our growth. It builds tools that we will later use for other challenges. Just hold on. Even if it sucks. Hold on.