Dear Miss U,
I’ve been dating a guy that live on the other side of the ocean from where I live. We been dating for 4 months now and we love each other more than anything, we have talked over phone but never Skyped because I’m very shy. Now he had to leave for a month n I miss him so much. We’re both Young but I know that he’s the one I wanna spend my life with. I know almost everything about him now and he’s perfect for me. Do you think this is going to last or am I jumping in too fast in to love?
Anonym
Dear Anonym,
I do try not to be a cynical old bat, but statistically speaking, the odds are not in your favor and that’s all I have to go off. I don’t know either of you and I have never seen you together. I have nothing with which to form an opinion and I’m not here to lie and make people feel better about themselves. But really, what does my opinion matter on your romance? It doesn’t. And it shouldn’t. You need to be with the person who makes you happy, regardless of other people’s expectations of the relationship’s viability. With that said, do take into account the opinions of your friends and family members if they have seen you together, because sometimes those people closest to us can see things we can not. Sometimes we think we are being treated well, but we actually need to raise our standards. Occasionally a different perspective is necessary to catch any red flags. Additionally, your family’s opinion does carry some weight, because one day your partner may join your family and if everyone dislikes them that can cause a lot of problems for you.
Here’s what I can tell you: In four months there is no possible way you know everything about each other and even after twenty years you shouldn’t assume you do. The mistaken belief we know how our partners think and feel is the basis for communication breaking down, and once that happens you’ve got nothing. People grow and change a little each day, so don’t stop trying to get to know each other and don’t stop courting each other now that you are committed.
Skype is important. It took me a long time to be able to overcome my own shyness and do it too, but you’re doing him and your relationship a disservice by avoiding this kind of contact. Look at it this way: when you’re together in person all your senses are engaged. You can touch each other or feel his breath on your cheek. You can smell his freshly laundered shirt or that he just came home from a jog. You can gauge his body language and see his thoughts dance over his face just before he starts speaking. You can hear the intonation of his voice change. There’s a lot of information coming at you for your senses to process. When you’re apart though there isn’t that stream of input, and that can make the relationship feel less real, less serious and less enjoyable. Because of this, it’s advisable to recreate as much of the true-to-life experience as you can and tools like Skype are great to help you do that. There truly is no reason to be embarrassed. I know you probably think things like “no I couldn’t my hair’s a mess and I’ve had this sweater a hundred years” but he doesn’t see that. He sees this amazingly attractive girl that gives him all her attention.
Talk to him about your insecurities and how to overcome them, and worry less about whether or not you’ll grow old together; instead enjoy what you have now. Forever can wait.
Dear Miss U,
People always say that teenagers are too young to know what love is but this guy has been my best friend and confidant for over 8 years, my heart skips a beat when I see him and he makes me feel like 1 in a million, we fight but end up laughing afterwards and I have dreams of us getting married. Is it love or a deep infatuation?
Celeste
Dear Celeste,
Generally speaking, people are idiots. Don’t worry about what they say. If it feels like love, it probably is.
There was a time I wondered if I was in love or just infatuated. I said to myself, “You don’t even know him,” and “You’re too young.” As it turned out however, I loved him, he loved me and now we’re happily married. It’s perfectly ok to not know, to not be sure or even to know and just be afraid to admit it. Be kind to yourself and don’t get so caught up in analyzing things that you forget to appreciate what it actually is.
Sincerely,
Miss U.
I haven’t visited your page in a while, but wanted to offer encouragement to your readers. After 3+ years and 700 miles apart, my boyfriend Eddie and I have closed the gap and are living together and planning a wedding. My best advice to LDR couples…find a way every single day to show you care and are thinking of your significant other. Have Faith! It can be done!
Thanks to LFAD for ideas and encouragement.
