Dear Miss U,
What do you do when you just miss them so much and can’t do anything about it. I can’t see him he’s in a while other state. I know I’m young but I really really like him and I just want to hug him.
Kylie.
Dear Kylie,
Sometimes all you can do is accept that you can’t do those things you want to do. As hard as that sounds, acceptance is empowering. All that moping will do is bring you down, after all, so accept those things you currently can not change and embrace instead those things you do have.
Do you role play? Imagine you’re in the same place together. Type out your actions. Really get into the mindset. This is a great way to spend time together, bridge the distance and learn about how your partner acts in real life. You can role-play day to day interactions, dates, or even make up fantastic adventures together.
Right now, you can’t hug him. But you can squeeze the hell out of a stuffed toy and send that energy up to the moon. The moon can be seen from all over the earth, so bounce your love off her shining face and let it reach him that way.
Long distance isn’t forever, find ways to enjoy it.
Dear Miss U,
I love a woman who lives 1000 miles away and she knows it. She was in a relationship 2 years ago and it ended badly, so now she says she wants to take it slowly. I have no problem with that, other than at our ages we don’t have all that much time left! But I am trying not to push her or rush her. On Valentine’s Day I sent her a dozen red roses. When she got home from work that night, she had a couple of glasses of wine. She isn’t a heavy drinker, but when she has wine, she gets “happy.” She said, “I love you
Confused Romantic
Dear Confused Romantic,
When Mr Sheffield takes back what he said to the nanny, Fran, it wasn’t because he stopped loving her. And it wasn’t because he never did. It was because he was scared. I suspect the same might be true for the woman you love.
In the meantime, I would let this one slide. Look for love in her other words and in her actions. Look in her eagerness to speak to you and the way you make her smile at the end of a long day. Sometimes couples love each other for a good while before they feel safe enough to let that vulnerability come to light, and that’s ok. For now, let that be enough.
And no, you’re not stupid. I think you’re beautiful. Keep being you.
Dear Miss U,
The last two relationships I’ve been in have ended where the guy left me for another girl. My last relationship destroyed me. I absolutely loved my ex, and I was devastated when he left. Cried in the school bathroom, didn’t eat properly for quite some time, etc. & No, I’m not those drama type girls. I guess I’m just a very emotional person, and I was very attached with him. Now throughout these phases, my current bf was there to support me. He’s an amazing person, and has done nothing to me where I can’t trust him. But I’m scared. Really scared. I feel paranoid. We’re going off to college in a few months. We might just end up in different countries or coasts, and I don’t know how I’ll feel about him partying or talking to other girls (Currently, I’m the only girl in his life.) I know it sounds ridiculous- worrying about him talking to other girls. But I’m scared he’ll find someone better than me, and realize that I am not so great, and ditch me like the guys in the first two relationships did. I’m also worried that this behavior/insecurities of mine will eventually push him away from me. I was never this paranoid freak. But from my past experiences, I’ve kind of created this shield around me. How do I get over feeling this way? How can I entirely trust him with all my heart? I wish I was more practical, you know? I wish I thought like “Oh hey, if he left me for another girl then that means he wasn’t worth it anyway.”
Thank you for your advice, really appreciate it.
Insecurity Takes Over
Dear ITO,
It sounds ridiculous, because you know it IS ridiculous. Just think, what if you stay with this guy for 50 years? In that time, do you imagine he will never meet another female he thinks has a great sense of humour, or attractive body, or who inspires him? In all his life he’s never going to connect to another woman? Never going to have a female partner on a project or even interact with your children’s baby-sitter without you being there?
It’s not going to happen. Half the population are women.
What you need to remember though is that there’s only one YOU. So you just need to be the best version of yourself you can manage (sometimes that’s going to be a substandard version. We all have bad days!) and if you are the right person for him, that will be enough. It goes both ways too. He has to be his best self, he needs to work to keep you, just as you need to put the effort in for him.
Remember too that you’re older now, and likely your dating pool has aged as well. Some people don’t take their high school dating seriously, while others invest their all. It’s no reflection on you that your past two boyfriends did you a disservice, and it in no way means that your current partner will. I have a solid rule about that: Never punish your new boyfriend for the sins of your ex.
Getting past these feelings takes time, as does building trust. So long as you’re not needing it every day, you can ask your boyfriend to reassure you. He is there to nurture your emotional needs. Over time you will worry about this less and less because your exes will fade into the background and your current relationship will comfort you with its security. Until that happens, if you’re being ridiculous, tell yourself “ITO, you’re being ridiculous!” and remind yourself of all the reasons you’re his number one.
