Dear Miss U,
Long distance killed our relationship. One day we were happy then she started to get cold. Every week I visit her. Its 2 hours from my place. I try my best to make her happy, to make more time. Until one day she said there’s another guy. When we were still okay she said the other guy is only her friend. I trusted her. I love her so much. 3 months from now she ended our relationship. But I said I won’t give up. It’s been 3 months chasing her. Traveling 2 hrs just to bring her flowers. Every night I text her, convinced she is only lost. I gave her space and time. And I said that I will come back. That I will fight for her. And now, every day felt like dying. I miss her so much. But I can’t do anything to see her or even talk to her. Please help me. My heart said I will fight and wait for her showing her that can prove myself to her. Want should I do? How do I win her back? Advise me pls. I’m sorry for drama. I just want to open up to someone that who won’t judge me. Thank you.
Mr. B
Dear Mr. B
I hate to break it to you, but women are not objects. We’re not prizes to be won, you can’t fight another man for the right to have the woman of your choice. She doesn’t want you. She has clearly ended this relationship and is trying to move on. My advice is that you stop being a creepy stalker, and start the process of moving on yourself.
I know it hurts. Rejection is awful. The shattering of hope, losing the future you had imagined together, forfeiting all the time and effort you have invested into the relationship… all these things and more. It can feel like torture, like a part of you has died. But you’re certainly not alone in it. Most people have gone through a break up, and I assure you, they live through the experience. If however you’re feeling suicidal or you’re completely unable to live your life, talk to your GP about it. You certainly won’t be the first or the last person to need a little extra help at this time.
Continuing contact with her is just prolonging the pain for yourself, and probably hurting her in the process. Let this one go. Once you accept that it is truly over, you can start to heal.
Dear Miss U,
My long distance relationship started first as a 7 year friendship, with him becoming my best friend, after 7 years we became a LDR, 5 months later I found out he had a wife which he still at the time lived with, (now divorced). I later found out he was still emailing his ex from another country telling her he still loves her. Since then we got over all of that and recently married. I have struggled to build the trust back, which has been really hard, because other things keep happening. 2 weeks after we got married I found out he is texting and talking to another woman behind my back daily that he claims ONLY BECAUSE they share a common interest of motorcycles; even on our wedding day he and her talked. He now tells me a month later it is the PAST, he promises it will never happen again, and wants to save the relationship, he tells me I keep putting us in a bad place by bringing up the past. Is it right for me not to be able to get over the past SO SOON, by him not properly allowing me to after he has been caught? This woman by the way sent him a pic of her that had nothing to do with motorcycles. Am I wrong if I ask him to give up this bike club that he is a part of that this same woman just happens to be a part of, and is at every event that he attends? Is a month ago really the past?? Please Help.
Desperate and In Need of Help
Dear D&INoH
I can’t fathom that you were close friends with this man for seven years and he never once mentioned he was married. That’s a huge red flag. Everything in this letter tells me that your husband has no concept of what honesty and transparency actually are. And no, I’m sorry, a month is not “the past” and when he breaks your trust he shouldn’t be shifting the blame for the state of the relationship onto you. You have every right to take the time you need to heal, to be reassured and to see proof that he has changed his ways. Generally, I tell people that they don’t have a right to choose their partner’s friends and interests, but in your case this woman and by association this club are a direct threat to your marriage, so yes, you have every right to ask him to distance himself from both.
Honestly though, I don’t know if this relationship is salvageable. I hate to say it because I value marriage highly and want to believe problems can be fixed; but this man sounds like nothing but bad news. No one has the right to make you feel guilty for their mistakes and furthermore, if he could get close to you and never once mention his wife (who he loved enough to pursue after the marriage was over) then what makes you think he is going to be honest with other women he meets now and tell them he is involved with you?
Think about your situation. If it was your best friend going through this instead of you, what would you say to her? Whatever it is, it is probably good advice. We are often both kinder and more honest about these things to our friends than ourselves – so remember to be your own best friend!
