Dear Miss U,
I have been talking to this guy I met online 2 months ago… I am just confused with what he is really up to.
We started being so mushy mushy and we kinda got so hot one time… he even said regards to my family. However, when I asked him about relationships, I found out that he is not a fan of long distance relationships.
He is a very frank person. He tells me when he is depressed… he tells me when he is not feeling well.. He tells me when he is busy and all… he tells me his problems… he tells me his secrets and he knows mine too.. but…there is NO US. I can understand if he only wants booty call… but recently we are not doing some intimate stuff anymore.. but we still talk..
What is he really up to? If he doesn’t like LDRs or not doing booty call anymore, then why does he still keep on talking to me?
I would really appreciate your advice. Thanks.. xoxo
Kewpie
Dear Kewpie,
Maybe you’re really good to talk to and he enjoys your companionship. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same need to neatly define and label things that you do. Or perhaps, and most likely, he just wants to see where things go because you only met two months ago and in two months no matter how much you have talked you’re still basically strangers.
You say he is frank, so why not just ask him what he wants out of this?
My advice however is to stop worrying so much and to get to know each other. See where this goes. You don’t need to be officially dating to be building a relationship with someone.
Dear Miss U,
This is a stress I believe I’ve been dealing with since the incident. I have visited the Philippines twice in a year just to see my SO. My first attempt was August 2014. I stayed near his city for one month. I gave him my address. I waited and even roamed his city hoping that he might have spare time in between his work and school hours. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to meet. The second time I flew back was December 2014 and stayed until February 2015. Within those months, I have been doing the same routine, which is to roam around and wait and see if he’ll have time to see me. But it happened again, he wasn’t able to show up (mind you, our communication was very well). I ended up going back to the US without seeing him. Every time I think about it, it causes me stress. Though we’re open to each, sometimes what I felt during those months isn’t a huge issue now that we’ve moved on. But, I don’t really feel that I have loosen up to what had happened. It is deeply engraved to my mind, it the same question keeps revisiting me, “Is breaking up with him be a solution?”
Kim
Dear Kim,
Yes, break up with him. People who want you in their lives make time for you. You couldn’t have made this easier for him. He had plenty of opportunity! Clearly he is just not that interested in having a real face-to-face progressive relationship with you. There is no future here. It’s time to move on.
Dear Miss U,
I first saw the love of my life in 2011 when I was in upper sixth form (18) and she was in third form (14), at a prestigious school in England. We’ve only been dating for 2 months but I am almost certain that she is the one. I feel so happy every moment I am with her but she moved back to Hong Kong a month ago and I feel incomplete. Recently she has been distant from me, I called her multiple times during the day but she never replies, she told me that she did not want to be with me any more and immediately alarms started going of in my head and I thought “you know we’re good together,” I then hired someone to follow her and make sure she wasn’t cheating. Her parents don’t seem to want me around either and I think they influenced her decision and I also think they are jealous of our love. I bought a ring for her just before she left but I didn’t get the opportunity to give it to her. I really want her to commit herself to me and I know she is mature enough to do so. I want to travel to Hong Kong and propose to her as soon as I can. I suggested the idea of marriage and children to her before over the phone but she seemed awkward around that topic. I dream about her every night and I want to be with her forever, I want her to bare my children and spent every waking hour with me. I prayed about this before and God said that she is my destiny; if I didn’t have her I couldn’t fulfill God’s purpose and therefore I’d have no reason to live.
Help me show her the light,
Geoffrey
Dear Geoffrey,
You’re trolling right? Please tell me this is a joke.
Just in case it isn’t, let me enlighten you: She has already seen the light, and that’s why she’s trying to get the hell away from you. Because this letter that you’ve written here, this tells me that you’re a creeper; that you want to control her and decide her future. You’re dating two months yet you want to bind her to you forever with a ring, and you expect her to bear your children? Do you have the slightest idea what that means for her? Or are you deluded into thinking that’s every woman’s idea of happiness and success?
She’s 17! I don’t know what the law is like where you are, but here she can’t legally get married. She’s still a minor. A child! A youth with dreams and goals of her own. An education to get, a career to build, a whole world to see! Not to be tied to some boy who doesn’t even trust her not to cheat or respect her enough to take her at her word when she says she doesn’t want a relationship anymore. It’s no wonder she doesn’t want to spend every waking hour with you. (For the record, no woman is going to want to do that unless she’s unhinged. Healthy people have their own lives even within relationships).
In future, I advise you to ask yourself what you can do for your partners, how can you support them and make your life line up with theirs, rather than focusing on making them a part of your life. No woman is your destiny, because women are not property. She’s seen the light of reality, it’s time for you to do so too.
