By: Rose
I “met” Matthew through mutual friends this spring. My best friend Dominique was planning a trip to Hawaii to visit her boyfriend, Mike, who is stationed there. In making preparations for the trip, I asked her boyfriend for an address to send her some things she could use on vacation. During that conversation, I jokingly asked Mike to set me up with a hot Marine. A few days later Mike emailed me, asking if I was serious, because he knew just the perfect guy. Five minutes later, I was video chatting with Mike, and he introduced me to his buddy, Matthew. Matt and I talked on Skype for about five minutes, sent a couple emails, and things escalated from there. The connection and attraction was immediate, and soon we were spending hours a day on video chat, the phone, texting, and sending emails. A month later, I was in Hawaii to physically meet him and our time together there was amazing.
I was with him in Hawaii the day he left for Afghanistan, which happened to be the first day we articulated that we had fallen for each other. I knew when we were first introduced that he would be deploying, but it didn’t phase us at all. We’re both taking this time to keep getting to know each other, and somehow the situation and the distance have brought us even closer together. While our relationship may seem unconventional to some, I know this is the happiest I have ever been and I’m so excited for our future together.
.JPG)
July 2, 2009
My day starts out with some tossing and turning in bed as I fight waking up. I want to sleep in, but I know it’s useless. I’m one of those once I’m up, I can’t fall back asleep types. I’m in Lynn, Massachusetts and my best friend Dominique is sleeping next to me. We’re in her room on the third floor of her Mom’s Victorian house. I actually live in Central Florida, I’m here now as part of a very extended vacation across the northeast; I’ve been traveling since the end of May, killing time in-between school semesters.
No matter where I am, my initial waking-up routine is the same: I feel under my pillow for my phone. It’s always by my head when I sleep, volume all the way up. I glance at it – no missed calls. Not surprised (it would have woken me up if there had been one) I check to see what time it is. 9:36am. I automatically do the Afghanistan time difference math, its 6:06pm there. I know my boyfriend usually works very long hours until late at night; its still way too early to expect a call from him now.
Still lying in bed I use my phone, a Palm, to check my email. The usual subscriptions are there: Redsox newsletter, Sale alerts from my personal shopper, and Expedia coupons. Sigh, no emails from Matthew. He doesn’t email much, but I constantly check my inbox, just in case. Scrolling I see one email that does make me smile: Matthew’s mom. Excited to hear from her, I click on the title and open it up. She’s saying hi and thanking me for sending her the link to a news article about Matthew’s company. He was even in the photo the A.P. attached to the story. She writes to me that his whole family is so proud of him, and they loved the article. I keep reading as one sentence catches me off guard: I’m thinking about him a lot today, as I know you are too with all of this news rolling in. xoxo.
News? What news? Oh God. I am not going back to sleep now. I grab my laptop, charger, phone and smokes to head downstairs. Dominique is still passed out, and I decide to let her sleep until I find out what’s going on. She’s invested in this war too, her Marine is over there with mine.
I pee, nuke some coffee, and set up shop in the living room. Everyone else in the house is either sleeping or at work for the day, so I’m alone and its quiet. I turn on CNN. Welcome to Day One of Operation Khanjar. I’m trying to understand what this latest development in the war is about, but I can only get about two or three minutes of information at a time before they interrupt with more Michael Jackson coverage. I’m annoyed. I get it, he’s dead, but he’s only one man – this war is impacting so many more. Show me the war, please. Looks like I’ll be relying on Google, AP, and Reuters to find out what’s really going on.
“4,000 Marines in South Helmand Province are sweeping into Taliban strongholds as part of the biggest offensive in this entire war. One Marine has already been Killed in Action, and some have been injured.” Oh wow. So here’s where it gets weird. I don’t get upset at all. Nervous? Sure. A little anxious? Maybe. But there will be no dramatics from me. I make a quick Sign of the Cross, and I whisper a prayer for the fallen Marine and his family; I ask God to protect all of our troops that are over there.
Today is a Thursday. I haven’t heard from my boyfriend since Monday. Because of OPSEC (the security rules protecting our military interests) I don’t really know where he is, nor will I know if he’s involved in this operation at all, until its well done and over. I just have to trust that he’s fine, and I repeat the old mantras that have been passed on to me by so many others in my position: “No news is good news.” “They’re the best trained fighters in the world.” “This is his job, and it’s what he’s there to do.”
I quietly watch more news while I tie a friendship bracelet (a hobby of mine) and log into some social networking sites online. As I see more coverage of the war, I find myself cheering for “our team,” I’m thinking: Get some, Devil Dogs! The irony of all this is how much having a loved one there can make you see things in such a different light. I’m an Amnesty International supporting, pacifist, liberal. Well, kinda. Recently some of my opinions have grayed, and I’ll just leave it at that.
I keep my phone in plain site all day, even though I assume I won’t hear from him now, in light of casualties being announced on the news. Whenever someone is hurt or killed in action, there are communication blackouts until families are notified. It’s a somber time, and I respect the magnitude of why he can’t call today. I check in with my favorite girls, MilitarySOS.com – an amazing support group for military significant others, family, and friends. I post a link about Operation Khanjar and ask for prayers or good thoughts. I chat online with girlfriends and finish making the bracelet.
Once Dominique wakes up, I catch her up on the latest news, and we decide that we don’t really feel like dwelling on it much. That’s a really good plan. Tomorrow, July 3rd, is my birthday so I do some happy-birthday-to-me internet shopping as Dommie and I finish making our plans for the weekend. Even though my boyfriend is deployed, I still make sure that I go out and have fun all the time. I know he wants me to, and its fun to keep busy, so I have lots to talk to him about. In less than a month, I’ll be back in school full time, five days a week, studying to become a Registered Nurse. I’ll be so busy with studying and clinicals, I have to live it up now while I can.
All of my days are different since I’m traveling right now. I do, though, have a few weird quirks I’ve picked up since he’s been deployed. I keep my cell phone on me at all times, all day and all night, with the volume on and way up. I always set it on my towel when I’m showering, in case he calls then. The communication is all one-way, and I hate missing a call if there is any possible way I can help it. I check my email all the time too, in case he’s online instead of waiting for a phone. Both Matthew and I also use a deployment “donut of misery,” an excel document that’s been passed around military members and families for a while. You plug in your dates, and it generates a count down of the deployment, and uses funny phrases and percentages to tell you how far you’ve come and how long till you’re reunited. Many of us have a serious love-hate relationship with the infamous “donut.”
Oh, and I’ve quickly become a care package expert. Every time I’m out and I spot an item I know he’ll like or could use, I find myself picking it up. I stock up and every ten days or couple weeks, I’m shipping out another box of love to Afghanistan. Dominique and I make tons of jokes, speculating what they’re doing over there. Things like, “I bet right now Mike is laying on his cot, half naked playing video games.” Or, “Its 7pm in the ‘ghanny, bet that means Matthew is heating up some spaghettios or Chef Boyardee to eat in his office, yum.” We keep it light, joking about them working on their tans, and spending lots of time with some seriously smelly dudes. We have to keep things fun, its our way of staying sane.
I keep in touch throughout the day with other deployed girlfriends and wives, and we all try and keep our spirits up and remind each other to always stay positive. We openly discuss praying for our Marines, and we keep each other’s men in our thoughts. As the night wears on though, I start to find myself getting more anxious. Dominique and I order pizza and get busy with tons of crafts to keep our mind occupied. I think just not hearing from him all week is what’s got me edgy, I’ve seriously lucked out so far and I usually get calls every other day or so.
.jpg)
There is nothing about my situation that I dislike or regret. I don’t want anyone to read this and feel bad for me at all. My boyfriend is an amazing man: smart, handsome, sincere, kind, artistic, and very funny. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, and supporting him while he’s there just comes naturally for me. Every time he gets a care pack or letter and thanks me, he vows that he’s going to take care of me the best he knows how, as soon as he gets home. In his own ways, and as best as he can from there, he already does. He sends me letters, flowers, drawings, and made sure to take care of my birthday well ahead of time. He is so sweet; I dream about our homecoming everyday.
Finally in the wee hours of the morning, my hands raw from making bracelets, and typing out thank you texts to my friends all wishing me a happy birthday from midnight on, Dominique and I lay down to go to bed. I whisper a quick prayer and then snuggle up to his sweatshirt that I always sleep with. Soon, I’m fast asleep and one day closer till the day he gets home.
P.S. He was able to call on my birthday, and it was the best present I could have ever asked for! We don’t discuss the war or anything going on over there, other than the trivial guys messing around stuff. But I know he’s safe, working hard, and doing just fine.
Rose
