Dear Miss U,
I know we do not have it as bad as some couples but I left for college for my freshman year this past August and my girlfriend is still in high school and I am gone at weeks at a time and it is hard on both of us. I was wondering what we could do to feel like we are always close to each other?
Travis
Luckily Travis, there’s a lot you can do! Little reminders are always sweet, like a small piece of jewellery such as a promise ring (a promise you’ll wait perhaps, or a promise you’ll always come home to her) or even the bracelets sold on this site. Sending mail also helps. People in LDRs tend to form attachments to either their phone , computer or both and at times it can feel like their partner lives inside these devices rather than actually being a part of their lives, and mail can break up the monotony of that. You might think “We talk every day, what would I say in a letter?” but you can just use it to share your feelings, or write out some song lyrics you find meaningful. It doesn’t have to be huge to be sweet, and oftentimes the increased amount of romance in an LDR makes up for the lack of that person being there.
There are Books with loads of questions you can fill in while separate, swap and then read through together that will no doubt make you feel closer to each other, and this website has a workbook that’s also fun and inexpensive which you can find Here . Date nights are also worth the effort.
Being part of her life is huge! Make sure you keep each other up-to-date on what’s going on in each other’s lives and remember to ask her about it things she’s had planned, or wish her well before important events. Take photos during your day – something funny you saw on the bus, the particularly good sandwich you had for lunch, the underwear you are wearing that day – it can be random, and they don’t need to be works of art. When you think “I wish she was here with me” take a photo of whatever you’re doing, be it watching a movie or going to bed and tell her that you imagined her there with you.
If you can, start a small project together (something not too time consuming that will distract you from school) so you can feel like you’re working toward a common goal.
Dear Miss U,
Me and my boyfriend have had a LDR for about a month, and have been in a relationship for three. He moved back home to be with his son. I plan on moving up there when I finish with my associate degree. He hasn’t found a job yet. So he’s been asking for my help financially. I’ve helped him out as much as I possibly can. He wants me to take out a loan on his behalf that he would help me pay back. It’s not that I don’t trust what he says I have to think about myself and how that will affect me if I’m the one paying it off in the long run. I’ve tried to explain this to him but he’s not seeing my side. I’m doing the best I possibly can and I’m unable to do more. I don’t know how to say no without sounding like I don’t believe or have trust. I love him but I don’t want to feel used in the long run. Please help me out. It’s hard to say no to the person you love but I gotta be smart and protect myself without hurting him. Thank you
Angelica
Dear Angelica,
I’m so glad that you see taking out a loan for him is a bad idea, reading that bought me a lot of relief. You have been together three months – that fact he is asking you to take out a loan, no matter what his financial situation currently looks like, is a big red flag and you do need to be wary. This is not ok. I personally would be thinking twice about this relationship because from an outside perspective it looks like he is using you already.
But, saying no is always hard. You have already tried to explain yourself to him though, so I’m not sure what more you can say. Try “I’m sorry, but it’s not an option for me right now or in the foreseeable future. I care about you and want to help you, but I need to be smart and I personally believe going into debt is not the way to do that.” If that still doesn’t work, you could always say you tried to get one but your bank refused you. Usually I wouldn’t condone lying, but in this instance I feel it would be better to lie than to give him the money. I do fear that it’s only the money he is after however, and that he will leave you regardless. I do hope I’m wrong.
