Dear Miss U,
I’m in love with an European boy. We met because of a friend of the exchange, on ICQ. Those days we used to talk a lot. Since I would wake up until I’d sleep, and none would get bored of that, it was always nice and funny. He used to tell me beautiful things always, and I too.
But once he told me his friends would annoy him too much in the class with me (that means he would talk about me) and all his friends would tell me all the beautiful things he’d say about me and so on. But it was bad because since that time he didn’t seem to be in love with me anymore. I was a good friend of his ex too, and she would be reeaaaally nice to me, but they were not in love anymore. One day HE TOLD ME I REMIND HIM OF HER (in personality). And a long time later, they were flirting again 🙁
Then when I traveled, he would be really shy to me and he just would talk to me more when his friends were not there. One of his friends told me he would be really shy when I’d be there, and that normally, he always uses to be the crazy boy of the class 😀
Nothing happened when I would be there 🙁 But he acted like he loves me. But the same day I left, he made up with his ex!
Now many months have gone by, but I still love him and I don’t know if he does too, but any way I will send him a letter telling everything I feel for him. (A friend will go to his school and give it to him and his girlfriend is not in that school so she cannot see it.. haha)
So here comes my question! Hope you answer 😉
Annie ♥
Annie,
I’m not sure what your question actually is, but I am sure about one thing – It’s not ok to interfere with the relationships of others. From what you’ve told me here I can only deduce that he’s a little confused, but that he’s in love with this other girl and not you. He likes you, perhaps because you remind him of his girlfriend, but he’s chosen her. It seems like being with you only reminded him of the reasons he wants to be with her.
Think about how you would feel if you were with him, and someone else started writing him letters confessing love. That wouldn’t feel very good would it?
Let him go. Time will bring you a boy who loves you, and only you.
Dear Miss U,
I have known my current boyfriend for a year and he is a really amazing guy. We were friends before we started dating because of the fact that we were both in relationships… Anyway I love him very much and very dearly, but even though that’s how I feel sometimes my mind seems like it doesn’t agree. I know the reason why I just don’t know why I’m like this… Last year I went through a lot with an old bf who really hurt me and ever since I haven’t been able to fully get over it (Even though I believed I had). My problem is sometimes I want to speak my mind on certain things but I get so scared he’ll dump me for it because that’s what my ex did to me.. I want to be able to go to bed without feeling like I’m hurting him or being unfair to him.. It’s the only thing I feel is stopping me from fully opening up to my boyfriend… I’m so lost and confused on what to do.
~ Insecure and Confused
Dear I&C,
The mind is a tricky thing that I’m not trained to work with. I can only state a few facts and hope they give you the building blocks you need to get past this. If not, seeing a trained professional might be the key, and trust me, there’s no shame in that.
The facts are: 1) This new guy is not your ex. Every person deserves the chance to make their own mistakes, but that aside, your boyfriend was mates with you when you were in your other relationship so it’s likely he knows what didn’t work and what not to do.
2) You don’t want to be in a relationship with ANYONE with whom you can not be wholly yourself. Speak your mind. Open up. Be you! You really have nothing to lose – because if he would leave you over an opinion or something you had to say , better sooner rather than later so you can move on to someone who you are compatible with.
3) You don’t need a man (or woman – or anyone) to make you whole. You are fine all by yourself. Never feel like you need to be in a relationship or that there is something wrong or scary about being single.
And Finally 4) You don’t have to agree on everything to have a healthy and successful relationship. Unless it’s a discussion on something deeply moral, it’s highly unlikely a reasonable person would break up with their partner over a simple difference of opinion (assuming you are able to respect that their opinion is different)
You can get past this, but be kind to yourself. It does take time. Also, the relationship with your boyfriend is fairly new; given time you will both open up to each other and trust each other more.
