Dear Miss U,
Me and my boyfriend have only ever met once and he proposed to me to be my girlfriend through phone calls. He’s currently out of town because of his thesis and his work, and we haven’t seen each other for half a year. We are both Cancers and very affectionate and I know he loves me, but sometimes he does this thing every month where he says that he is tired of our conversations everyday that seemed too monotone for him. He wants me to contribute more to the conversation and I swear I do contribute, but it never seems enough for him. What should I do? I really love him too and I want this to work until the day he comes back home to me.
Saphira
Dear Saphira,
I think your best course is to ask him exactly what he thinks contributing more to the conversation would entail but in the meantime I will try and give you some ideas.
I always encourage people to stay up-to-date with macro events and the goings-on of your community. Get involved, volunteer, take a stand for something. Studying something new, just for the fun of it, gives you something interesting to share and provides a window into your interests too.
Generally speaking, if you find your days monotonous and boring they will come across as such in conversation. There’s two things you can do about this: You can find time for hobbies and social events even if that means spending less time talking to your partner (quality over quantity and all that) and you can pay more attention to the small things during your day. Talk about the weirdos who ride your bus or the random act of kindness a stranger performed. Talk about how you went to the kitchen to make dinner but were so tired you put your pasta in the freezer instead of on the stove or how your favorite undies fell apart in the wash. They are small unimportant things. They don’t matter at all. And yet, they can be the difference between a boring day/conversation and a funny one.
It’s also very important to realize it isn’t what you say, it is how you say it. Some people can tell you the great adventure of hanging out their laundry and keep you enthralled every step of the way, while others manage to bore you to death even though the content of their conversation is far more interesting, so pay attention to how you speak. Don’t hold back the emotion from your voice, or think you’re going to be judged for being too intense.
Remember too that conversation isn’t the only option available to you. Do something together instead sometimes, read together, watch a show, cook the same meal or play a game.
Dear Miss U,
Is it normal to be jealous of his life far away? My boyfriend has gone to work in Kuujjuaq. ..I can’t join him. He is creating à whole new life with new friend and new activities and I feel so bad and mad and jealous. Is it normal?
Jealous of his life
Dear Jealous,
Yes, it’s normal. But that doesn’t mean its ok. These feelings will only lead to resentment and deteriorate the health of your relationship. If he is neglecting you while setting up his new life, you need to talk to him and remind him of his commitment to you. Your relationship doesn’t go on pause just because he has gone away and his responsibility to your relationship is the same as it has always been; whether he realizes it or not.
If he is still giving you what time and attention he can, and doing his best to include you in his life in the limited ways available to people in long distance relationships then perhaps it is time for you to look at your own life and see how you could improve it. It’s much easier not to be jealous of others if we are already fulfilled. I know that often the grass seems greener on the other side, but the truth of the matter is that the grass is greener where you water it.
Remind yourself to be happy for him, because the person your anger hurts most is yourself.
Sincerely,
Miss U.
