Dear Miss U,
I’ve been finding it hard to text my boyfriend because he’s in a different time zone. And when it comes down to sexy texts, idk what to say.
C
Dear C,
The great thing about texting is a person isn’t obligated to respond right away, so it doesn’t matter too much what time it is. The harder thing can be figuring out when texting is the appropriate medium because society seems to be going through a stage right now where everything can be said and done over text, which isn’t ideal. If you want to have an actual conversation in real time, I’d recommend choosing a different medium. If what you have to say isn’t time-sensitive or requires no response then send it as a text.
When it comes to sexts it depends what you are both comfortable with, but a couple of ideas are:
- Let him know you’re wearing his favorite panties.
- Tell him about a naughty dream you just had or a fantasy you were day-dreaming about.
- Describe the things you want to do together later. Use a lot of adjectives.
- Send suggestive photos. They don’t need to be nudes.
- Depending on his personality, it’s ok to be funny or a little vulgar. A little snapchat doodle that shows him sex is on your mind quite effectively plants the same in his.
Best of luck!
Dear Miss U,
I met my boyfriend through my friend on Facebook in April of 2015. We haven’t met in person yet but we text, call on phone and Skype. In November we expressed that we love each other and want to start a relationship but still haven’t went on a “date.” He brought “dating” first but every time I suggest a time and what to do that works for me it doesn’t work for him and vice versa. This is my first relationship I have been in and he has been in several. My family wants me to find somebody closer, like in the same state. He is in California and me in Minnesota. My plans in life right now is on him. How do I know we are meant for each other when our plans in life are drifting from us being together?
Confused in Minnesota
Dear CoM,
I think it’s a bit soon to be worrying about this and would recommend just dating for a while and getting to know each other on this new deeper level. Once you manage to meet in person you will have a better idea whether or not he is a good match for you, and once you have that confirmation it is much easier to direct your lives so that your goals align. Simply put, you make the plans for your life and if both of you make each other a priority you will inevitably end up together. I won’t say it will be easy, that there will be no sacrifice or that everything will magically fall into place, because chances are it won’t. You’ll have to work for it. But that doesn’t mean this relationship is doomed or not worth it, or anything of the sort.
With a bit of persistence you will eventually get a date night sorted out too. Just keep trying. It’s early days and you are both still learning the ropes of this.
As to your family, as understandable as it is that they don’t want you to date someone that you may end up moving away to be with, your happiness needs to come first. You are dating him, they are not. This is your life, not theirs, and you have to live it for yourself.
Don’t over-think this, just enjoy the ride and see where the river takes you. You don’t have to have it all figured out right away.
Dear Miss U,
I’ve been dealing with guy for six months and as soon as we decided to become a couple he decided to move to another state he said it is for us but I have four children who love him they are 8, 4, 3, and 1 and he says he wants to marry me but he quickly shut me out I love him so much I’ve done things for him his exes never done he has never had a woman like me but he constantly pushes me away. What should I do?
Lost in Love
Dear Lost,
I get the feeling that he didn’t discuss the move with you, that you had no say in it or would have opted for him to stay; I also have the impression that you’re not buying the idea that this move is to benefit the relationship. To me it does seem a little suspicious and a lot hurtful, and if you haven’t shared your honest feelings on the matter you should do so rather than letting them fester.
Has he shut you out in other ways, or is it his move that gives you this impression? Have you asked him for more time, date nights or the like?
The best you can do is talk to him. Be honest. Tell him what you need. Tell him that you feel pushed away and provide him with examples so he can see exactly what behavior is hurting you. And then if nothing changes talk to your kids about how sometimes love isn’t enough. Love isn’t all it takes. That there needs to be respect and commitment and that both people need to feel safe, loved and valued. Let them know that he still loves them, that they haven’t done anything wrong, but that the relationship isn’t what is best for your family right now. Kids are remarkably resilient and have a better understanding than we give them credit for. They will recover and so will your heart. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that, but if it does take comfort in the fact you will all be ok.
