Miss You Issues: Hasty Apprehension - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My girlfriend has been really sad lately. A month ago she sent me a mail filled with all kinds of food from her country and some surprises she didn’t tell me. Now, a month later, she is devastated by the fact that her mail didn’t arrive and she becomes sad every time she thinks of it and sometimes she even stays sad for days. When I try to cheer her up she stays sad, no matter what I do. I don’t know what to do. 🙁

Rosebutts

Dear Rosebutts,

International mail can take a long time. If she’s accidentally sent the package via “ground” it could be on a boat in the middle of the ocean for three months. It’s not the end of the world. Chances are it will still get to you.

The thing with long distance relationships is that you both need a lot of patience and resilience. Hell, in life you need those things! Beyond that, there’s only so much you can do. Perhaps ask her if there’s something she would like you to do or say in these situations so you can be better support in the future, and then encourage her to let it go because if she doesn’t all that is happening is she is letting one bad thing contaminate all the good moments you could be having together.

Dear Miss U,

I met this German guy on a date website. I was the one who reached out first as I had paid for the services of the website, and later on he requested we exchange numbers and chat on whatsapp. After a few weeks of talking on phone, he expresses his sentiments on how he feels like where I live, which is really far from Germany, is too far and will cost us too much, that he wishes I was closer, and it could have been bliss. I told him that it is still workable for us even with the distance as long as we have an end plan, but he keeps insisting of how hard and difficult it will be. When I ask him if he likes me, he says yes, and hints it sometimes, but this makes me feel like there may not be a future since he is not being definite on whether he is willing to invest and travel here, or help me save up I go there. It is still too early to start complaining but I am afraid that his attitude may spill over to the future and that all the emotional investment will have been in vain, since he might not want to travel here, or not be willing to help me save up and travel there.

Please advise. :/
My German Sweetheart

Dear Sweetheart,

It sounds like he isn’t at the point where his fondness for you outweighs his dismay at facing the hurdles of long distance, and I can’t tell you if that balance will ever tip in your favour. He can’t even tell you, he simply doesn’t know you that well yet. I feel it is too early to worry about this. You hardly know each other. Stick it out for a while, see if feelings deepen or if it is just infatuation. Maybe when you really know him you won’t think he is worth going the distance. Or maybe when he knows you better he will realise there isn’t another woman out there as great for him as you are, and he will take more interest in facing the challenges that keep you apart. At this point all you can do is give it time.

Dear Miss U,

I’m new to this whole long distant relationship thing. It’s very difficult and none of my friends or family can help me because they’ve never experienced it before either! I’ve noticed that my SO and I are not bonding quite like I expected and I’m worried. I don’t want him to grow bored of me. Should I be worried and try to progress things or simply let it happen on its own? Also, how can I prevent our conversations from becoming repetitive? And last question, how will we create a strong bond when we are so far away from each other? I feel as if doing activities together is a huge part of a relationship and we’re totally missing out on that. 🙁

Girl

Dear Girl,

Woah! Slow down there! You’ve been together a week, why are you fretting so much?

Firstly, just because someone hasn’t been in a LDR doesn’t mean they can’t support you. It doesn’t mean they have no understanding of how you feel and it certainly doesn’t mean they won’t have any good advice. Distance is just one facet of a long distance relationship and truly they aren’t that much different from near-proximity relationships.

Again, it’s been a week. Bonds take time to develop. If you try not to anxiously gnaw at every tendril as it grows, you’ll develop a complex connection in what will feel like no time at all (because you’re busy enjoying the relationship). Just let it happen on its own, like you would any other relationship.

Keep conversations interesting by asking compelling questions, keeping up to date on macro issues, sharing stories from your everyday life, involving him in your interests and just by being genuine. Remember too that you can still do things together, even at a distance. Play games, read to each other, plan holidays together and browse Michelle and Frank’s extensive list of things to do in a relationship.

You are limited more by your fears than you are by the distance.