Miss You Issues: Of Silence & Treatment - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

I have been dating this girl for 3 months now. I live in Illinois because of college. I just graduated last spring. My parents live in Michigan in the sane town as her. I actually met her at my graduation party because my parents are friends with her parents. We started talking and texting even after I came back to Illinois since I live here with my godparents because they live so close to the college I was attending. I am currently searching for a job with my degree and she is about to start college in Michigan. We have talked about me moving back to Michigan and rent an apartment with her and I should look for a job over there. The thing is that she is planning on transferring to a 4-year university after her 2 years of community college are done. She is unsure now if she should go since she doesn’t want to leave me behind. These past few months I have visited Michigan every other weekend so I can see her and my family. But now that I’m searching for a job it has been more difficult to go visit. I don’t know if I should move to Michigan knowing that there is a good chance that in 2 years she might have to leave for 2 years all the way to Florida. I told her that she should go to Florida if that is what she really wants because I don’t want to be the cause that is holding her back. But deep down I don’t want her to leave and she knows that. She asked me if I would wait for her to come back after those 2 years and I said that anything can happen in the next 2 years.

Vortex

Dear Vortex,

Why not move to Michigan now and then when the time comes move with her to Florida? Two years is plenty long enough for you to plan around living in a different state for four years. If you’re serious about this relationship then I encourage you to find a way for you both to realize your dreams together, even if that means a bit of travel, some unexpected expense or pursuing paths you never before considered.

Dear Miss U,

Since I don’t know who to write you’re my only hope now. My boyfriend and I were dating for almost 7 months now. Well, there were some fights in a while but we forget about them and move on cause we don’t want simple fights to break our relationship. Until one day he messaged me that he lied that he loved me, and I was so shocked that I didn’t even know should I cry or be angry. There were a million questions in my head but there were no answers sadly. If he didn’t love me, why would he get me the long distance bracelet? Why would he spend the money on me? Just so he can make me happy? I barely ate and slept, I have lost weight and I almost looked like a skull but my health is alright now. When I asked him why is he still wearing that bracelet, he simply told me that he didn’t want it to collect dust so he will keep wearing it but I have a feeling he is hiding something… I am desperate to take him back and I am not doing anything reckless like “Please come back to me” or “Why did you do this to me?” and so on. People will probably tell me to move on but I don’t want to, I am stubborn and I want him back. Is there any hope for that? I gave him my heart and my soul and he just tossed it away just like that… I am looking forward to your answer. Thank you for your time!

Desperate Cupcake

Dear Cupcake,

I have no way of knowing how he feels about you, or about anything. I do not know this person. I do not have premonitions. What I do know is that people who play games and take your love lightly aren’t the kind of people you should pin your hopes for the future on.

I don’t know what he is doing or what he is thinking or why he has acted the way he has. Only he can tell you, and by the sounds of it, you can’t trust anything he says so there’s no point in just asking him.

You don’t have to move on. It’s your life and if you want to waste it pining over some guy who clearly loses no sleep from hurting you then go right ahead. He might even take you back. Maybe he still loves you but has read too much Twilight and thinks he’s leaving you for your own good or somesuch; however, I hope before that happens you come to the realization that you can do better.

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend and I have been dating it’s been 7 months now and it’s been 10 days that he moved to another country, I’m in Morocco while he’s in Canada. He always promised me that everything’s gonna be okay, that nothing’s gonna separate us, that we will always be connected by heart… unfortunately, it’s been 7 days that we barely talk… he’s mad at me cause I didn’t tell him the reason why I was crying once… I did my best to make things up again but I failed he refuses to talk to me… to answer my messages even if he’s online and totally available. Now I feel like we’re losing it, he doesn’t make efforts anymore and still ignoring my messages … and when I asked him if it’s over he said that I’ve to stop what I’m doing to not be over for once and all . It’s my first distance relationship. And I don’t know how to deal with this or how to fix it up cause I’m not ready to lose him cause I barely handle the fact that he’s no longer with me and that I can no longer see him or hug him whenever I want … please help me . My problem may be silly but even though I need help.

Gazellina

Dear Gazellina,

Let me get this straight, there was one time where you were not yet ready to discuss your feelings when you were upset and now he’s still so angry about that he won’t have a civil conversation with you? That’s nothing short of childish and manipulative. Sometimes people aren’t ready to discuss their feelings right away. Sometimes their feelings are too private, or they feel too vulnerable. Or maybe, just maybe, they know the person they are talking to is a childish, manipulative jackass who might use whatever is said to gain an advantage. Either way, you are not obligated to tell him everything. You don’t have to give a reason for every tear you shed. And he doesn’t have the right to punish you; ever.

Now I don’t know what it is you are supposedly doing that you need to stop to make this relationship work, so I can’t give you any advice on that. All you can do is talk about it together in the hopes you can reach an agreement. He needs to come down off his high horse for that to work, however, no more of this silent treatment. Both of you have to tell the other what it is you need to make this work, and both of you have to be willing to put your whole heart into it.

Listen to your instincts here and don’t stay with him if he’s just playing a power game.