Miss You Issues: This Is How It's Gonna Be - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

I have been in a relationship for a year and half the first half was not long distance, however, the rest of it has been. We are both in the navy and are schedules conflict each other. We live on two sides of the world east coast and west because of our occupation we can’t just up and leave and move to each other’s states. Therefore we have to wait up to two years until we will be able to live with one other. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do because I want to be there so much. My love for her is undeniable. How can I become content with not being able to be with her for another two years without going crazy? We are so close and honest LDR has made us closer I just don’t think I can wait but I know I will have to I just need some advice about how to stop worrying about it?

Sinking in the navy

Dear Sinking,

Acceptance isn’t an easy thing to master, but the peace you will enjoy once you manage it makes it worthwhile. Think of it this way: You can do it because there isn’t another option. Obviously breaking up isn’t an option. Breaking up over something as temporary as long distance would be foolish. So what else can you do? You wait, it’s all you can do. This is how it is. How it must be. And when you get through to the other side you’ll wonder what the big deal was.

Remind yourself that this is a rare and beautiful opportunity. Right now you can fully immerse in your career and set yourselves up for the future, comfortable in the knowledge you’ve already found your life partner; someone who understands because she is going through the exact same thing.

When you find your mind gnawing on that same old bone stop yourself. Make up a mantra to say to yourself (like “what is, is what must be” or “I am lucky. This love is worth the wait.”), repeat it a time or two and then deliberately think of something else. Something positive. You are in control of your own mind, don’t give it the power to torture you!

Dear Miss U,

We live 4 hours away, I live in Va and he live in NC. He is a busy man and I understand that but the last time he came to see me was this past weekend because I beg him to come and see me for my birthday… the last time I saw him before that was 3 months ago. When he came to visit he got here at 10:30pm so I went to see him at the hotel and we had plans of meeting the next day to go to brunch with me and my 2 kids so he could meet them. When I was leaving the hotel he says: Oh by the way are we still having brunch tomorrow? Because I have to go back home and feed the cows and spend time with my daughter and my mom wants me to do something for her. I couldn’t believe that after 3 months he couldn’t even let me enjoy my time with him and was already telling me he had to go back. Next day I went to church and I told him I was going to be out at 11:30am… at 11:15am he texted me : “I’m already at the restaurant in the table waiting” I took that as he was trying to rush me in going there because he was desperate to leave and go back home. When he was back I told him how I felt about everything…”last time I saw you was 3 months ago and you couldn’t even tell me that you had things to do? why didn’t you ask me before if I wanted to do that or I would rather wait until you had time for me?” his respond was: “I have a busy life and a lot of priorities and I need to spend time with my mom as much as I can” by the way he sees his mom twice a week and sleep in her house every Saturday

Paula

Dear Paula,

We are all busy. We all have priorities. Every one of us. But you know what? We all make time for the people and activities we care most about. His priorities are also not somehow magically more important than yours are, despite what he may believe.

He can either learn to make time for you and be WHOLLY present when he is with you, or you can cut him loose and save your energy and time for people who deserve it and things you are passionate about.

You’re never going to be each other’s highest priority (because you both have kids and kids trump all) but you ought to be close to the top of the list. If he can’t spare you a full weekend every few months then I can’t honestly see this relationship ever going anywhere. Talk to him about what your need, outlining your minimum standards, and Paula? I want you to know that you’re not asking too much. You’re not acting clingy or needy. From what I can tell you’ve been more than understanding and it’s time he appreciated that and stepped up his game.