Miss You Issues: No Hinting - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend and I met on a cruise last year, we spent the entire week together and on the last day decided we would find a way to make it work. We both graduated high school and I decided to stay home and attend a community college while he went off to boot camp. I HATE my college experience, I definitely didn’t choose the right college. Once he graduates boot camp and AIT he will be attending college in his hometown, Kansas City. We will once again be 700+ miles away from each other. He is constantly hinting at wanting me to transfer next year, however, he wants me to do whatever makes me happy. It will be our first time together longer than a week at a time.

Do you think it is a good idea? I will still be getting my degree so I am not really putting my life on hold for him, and I never planned on staying in Indiana forever. Would I be making a major mistake transferring?

Indecisive in Indiana

Dear Indecisive,

You have given me several reasons here why moving is a great idea and no reason why it wouldn’t be. It looks like moving is the way to go! But if you move and find out you’ve made a mistake? That won’t be the end of the world either! We all fail on the path to success! Luckily you are not a tree and you can move again if you need to.

Dear Miss U,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 5 months and I’ve known him for nearly a year. He helped me to stop my ex from stalking me and since then we moved in together. He is now in a different country because of his job. Before he left he said he loves me and wants this relationship work. Which was a relief for me as I couldn’t get how he really feels about me.

It’s been a month since he left. But I find it difficult to cope with the fact that he is not responding to my texts often and he barely calls me. In the last month, we spoke only 3 times on the phone. He replies to my good morning/night texts but not always and sometimes texts me during the day but rarely. Most of the time he reads my texts but doesn’t reply. And says that he has limited internet access. I just don’t understand how he can read my texts but not reply? And I’m always the one who texts first. I don’t call him because I don’t know when I can call because I don’t know his schedule because we never get the chance to speak properly since he left.

I want to believe that he is just extremely busy and needs time to settle down. But I just don’t understand why, if you love someone, you wouldn’t make an effort to contact your loved one. It’s been 2 days now and he hasn’t texted me at all and no calls. I really want to find a way to cope with it as I don’t want to push him away while being needy. I try to text in a funny way saying that I don’t like when he is silent. He likes my texts but still doesn’t respond more often. Thank you.

Anna

Dear Anna,

Stop hinting and trying to be funny. Tell him flat-out that this is a problem, and that you need to discuss it and find a compromise.

Some people hate texting and honestly it’s not the best platform to maintain a relationship on. Obviously, you have to work with the tools you have at your disposal, but texting certainly isn’t ideal. I read a great deal more texts than I reply to because often I’m busy, so I can vouch for the fact it is possible. With that said, we make time for the people and things we care about and this is something he needs to do for you.

Talk about the level of contact each of you expects; chances are he hasn’t thought about what a long distance relationship might take. My minimum recommended standard is 3-5 texts a day (not text conversations: individual text messages) and 1 hour of phone time per day with longer chats on the weekend; you can use this as a guideline to help set up a manageable contact schedule.

Hang in there, the transition is often rough. I hope things settle down for both of you soon.

Dear Miss U,

We love each other very much but we haven’t got to the point of meeting each other; he keeps telling me by the end of this year and I don’t know what to say. I am just hoping that all this is real for us? We have made it this far but we are stuck at this point. What do we do from here? I am wanting more and I don’t know how to go about it….

Julie

Dear Julie,

The end of the year is upon us! The next step is to set an actual date and plan the trip. Book flights or bus tickets or hotel rooms if need be.

Tell him you’re ready for more and ask him where he feels he is in the context of the relationship. It’s ok if you’re not at the same point, but having a sense of each other’s limits and expectations can only benefit you both.