Dear Miss U,
I was introduced to Sean on aim when I was 14, 15 years ago. My friend chatted with him through another friend. I had no contacts and she gave me his screen name. From there we talked everyday online for a few years. We decided to be committed to each other and I made plans to move out to Ohio but my money situation wouldn’t let me. We broke it off and did our own things for a few years. But we always talked consistently (through text messages.) Recently we have started talking a lot again and decided to try it again. I want to go out to Ohio in April to finally meet him, and if all goes well move out there in Oct/Nov. He is unable to come/move here because he has kids. My small issue is, I’ve never even heard his voice… we have never spoken. Maybe I’m just being nervous. I feel like if we have been best friends for this many years it must be the real thing and could end up a happy ending to my terrible past. I would be giving up a few things but I’m willing to work through them. My question is, say the hell with it and just go to Ohio to meet or end it for good?
– Heart is in Ohio
Wow.
I can not fathom how two people could have stayed friends, dating on and off, for fifteen years – and neither of you once picked up the phone. How does that happen? Usually a couple come to the point where they want to experience as much of the other as possible. That usually leads to web-camming, exchanging phone numbers, sending scented items in the mail and eventually visits.
Having never spoken to him is easily fixable. Do it now. You don’t need to even finish reading this article. Just pick up the phone and call the guy. Don’t have a phone? You obviously have computers; download skype and talk that way – or borrow your neighbors phone. Don’t let petty things stand between you and happiness.
On to the more serious issues: Having kids does make things difficult, but it doesn’t mean you can never leave town again for a simple visit. This is an excuse. Both of you need to stop making excuses for not making each other a priority if this relationship is ever going to go somewhere. Hold each other accountable.
I strongly believe a relationship founded on the internet through text is just as valid as any other friendship. I’m fairly sure you know him as well as you think you do. It probably is the real thing, but you’re never going to know if you don’t jump in with both feet, are you? Yes there is the risk you will get your heart broken. There’s also a risk that you’ll get hit by a car crossing the road – but you have not let that turn you into a hermit, have you?
Make a decision, make it a priority and then follow through.
It’s better to regret something you have done than to regret not doing it.
Dear Miss U,
I met Stevie online and he was different from the other guys, we started chatting and after day one he said he loved me. I feel the same; the problem is I am in a relationship, we have spoken about me packing up and joining him, I was not looking for this as I haven’t had any problems in my relationship. Now I am in love with two guys. I don’t know what to do.
– LD after 2 days.
I honestly would be very leery of anyone confessing love to me so soon in a relationship. To be frank – You don’t know each other! I’m all for meeting online and falling in love over the internet, don’t get me wrong, but this is infatuation at best. At worst, it’s someone taking you for a ride to get your bank details. Ask yourself what he might have to gain by convincing you to run away with him. Give out your heart freely – that’s fine – but don’t trust blindly. There are great people on the net, but there are a lot of freaks too.
What you are doing, is cheating. Your SO would likely be heartbroken if he knew you were discussing running away with some other man. So, you either need to break up with him to try your lot with this stranger Stevie, or you need to write this off as a bad experience, and put a stop to it.
Think about this before you make a decision: Could it be that you are just missing the spontaneity and excitement that comes with a new relationship and you’re mistaking that rush for love? Generally, when someone cheats, it’s because they are not 100% happy in their relationship – something is missing. Perhaps it’s all routine and bills, the fun is gone. You’re gotten too comfortable with each other, and stopped putting in the effort you should be. Look at what you have with your current partner – find what’s missing and talk it out together. Fix the problem if it’s fixable, and give the man the loyalty he deserves (This will include cutting contact with Stevie) – or if it’s not fixable, then move on with Stevie.
Whatever you decide; be safe about it. Don’t meet Stevie until you’ve web-cammed, gotten all his details and had contact with a family member or friend of his that lives in his area and knows him in person. When you meet, do so in a safe public place. Have a friend who knows where you are phone you a couple of times a day to check in. And don’t run away to live with him on the first visit. Be smart and stay safe, even if it seems like a needless precaution.
