Miss You Issues: Control Thyself - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

I am very confused. We have our age gap and it’s really difficult as he is majoring in mechanical engineering and I am still in high school. On top of that, he isn’t in the same country as me (4-hour difference). I definitely have trust issues and I cannot go a day without talking about his ex. I also feel like he has changed and doesn’t care like he used to do before. He says he hasn’t changed and I should try to understand him. Both of us have met each other’s family and they approve. In 1 year he’ll be going to England to continue his studies. And I’m afraid that he’ll find better although he keeps reassuring me that he loves me. We also had a lot of issues at first and we even took a break off the relationship. He thinks I’m too good for him and I also think he’s too good for me. What do you think would be best for us?

Finding Peace

Dear Finding Peace,

His ex is an ex for a reason. Obsessing over his ex is only going to destroy the relationship you have with him. Chances are he just wants to forget about his past, heal, and move on and you are stopping him from doing that. Set yourself a personal rule not to talk about this person, and don’t waver. If you get half way through saying something and realize, don’t finish the sentence. Just stop indulging in this toxic pastime. You are in control of you.

I don’t know what he did to break your trust, but I do know constantly alluding to infidelity doesn’t magically protect you from it. Worrying that he’ll find someone else doesn’t do anything to nourish your relationship; in fact it does the opposite.

I know it’s fashionable for us all to be humble and to have zero self-esteem, but put that garbage to the side a minute and think about all the reasons he is with you. Instead of worrying about why he might leave you, think of all the reasons he won’t.

I think it would be best for you to stop looking for drama where there is none and just enjoy what you have together. Relationships take trust, whether you live together or you’re on opposite sides of the globe, so you need to take control of your thoughts and not let paranoia get the better of you.

Changing your attitude can change your whole world – look for reasons to love, have hope, and be grateful.

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend and I are finally moving together in 1 month but we have been so good, all in love, and now that it’s so close we’re just so over the distance that we get mad at each other and get irritated because we’re so angry we’re far apart… how do we fix this?

Britt

Dear Britt,

Congratulations on closing the distance soon! I would suggest spending less time with each other and more time with the people you’re likely to neglect for the honeymoon period of first living together, that way you have less opportunities to get annoyed with each other. Tie up loose ends, finish projects, clean and/or pack, etc.

Be honest about it too. Say, “I’m irritated at the distance again, I don’t mean to snap at you.” Remind each other that you are a team and the end of this chapter is just over the page.

You can’t really fix it; it is how you feel and it’s a normal reaction. You can control how you respond to your emotions however, and choose not to engage when his irritation gets the better of him.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.