Dear Miss U,
I know this relationship is worth it. We wait 6 months or more at a time to spend 2 days together. But the thing is our parents are in control of us. We can only see each other when our parents want to. We live 3 hours apart so our relationship is being dictated by them. When and how we see each other.
And it hurts most now because I saw him last weekend and I feel as though the pain will never go. It hurts the most now, than it has ever had before.
I feel like I want to give up, so the pain will go. But giving up means losing him and that is something I don’t even want to contemplate.
So I would like to know, why our parents are so possessive and how come they won’t let us see each other more. And I know it could have something to do with our age but I am seriously sick of hearing that we are too young to fall in love, too young to make a difference in our lives yet.
The greatest love story of all time started at 15. Romeo & Juliet. So please, tell me how we can see each other more (besides webcam, it doesn’t do much after a while)? This pain is just too real and it’s so hard to explain to people that don’t understand. This pain is genuine pain…Please, if you can, help.
Lost in the Dark
Dear Lost,
Yes, Romeo and Juliet were only 15, and perhaps that contributed to the fact they made a series of bad mistakes and both wound up dead. That aside, they are also fictional characters. Anything can happen in fiction and generally real life is nothing similar.
I don’t know your parents, but I can guess that they are so possessive because they love you and want to protect you – not just from heartbreak but also from focusing so much on love and relationships that you don’t put enough focus on yourself, developing as a person, your education and your future career. Additionally, adolescence is hard for parents. It’s not easy for them to know what responsibilities you are ready for and what will put you in harm’s way. Besides that, you are your parent’s greatest investment. They have always loved, protected and made decisions for you, it might be hard for them to see that they need to back off and give you space to make your own choices, even if those choices might end badly.
All you can do is talk to them like an adult. No whining, crying, screaming or saying “this isn’t fair!” Ask them what you need to do to earn the privilege of seeing your boyfriend more often, or what he needs to do to better earn their trust. Try to understand their point of view as well as explaining your own. And whatever you do, leave Juliette out of the conversation!
Hello,
I am in a long distance relationship. He lives in SC and I live in NJ. We met at 13 and started dating around 16. He is a really really wonderful guy; he has so many wonderful qualities. He is very smart (studying to be a civil engineer) is very reasonable, values my opinion, if I disagree with something he does, he will compromise with me, or make the change (I mean about important things, I don’t pick out little things that bother me). We are both very spiritual and have the same religion, morals and views. He is very patient with me and lets me talk about absolutely anything with him. He accepts me for everything that I am. Although he is sweet and romantic and tells me he loves me countless times each day, he can be stern and serious with me if he feels strongly about something, but we never yell at each other. When we disagree we work everything out and you get the picture he’s wonderful and very handsome I might add also quite funny.
Here’s the problem being so far away I feel so disconnected to him emotionally sometimes. I don’t get that feeling of being in love, I know I love him, but I’m so used to being away that the feeling gets lost at times. I want it back. It stresses me out. I worry so often that I’m making a mistake and I can’t place why. My boyfriend has certain things he does or say that annoy me at times, but I think that’s fairly common, yet I use these as excuses for not having the feelings I want.
Is this a normal part of an LDR?
Young, in love and stressed.
Dear YILAS,
I think it’s not only normal for a long distance relationship, but also for a near-proximity relationship. Love is not the same every day, just as people and their emotions, chemicals and hormones are not the same every day. Some days we are so overwhelmingly in love with our partners we feel like we’re going to burst and butterflies are going to flutter everywhere. Other days we know we love them, but it’s not a big deal, it’s in the background, part of the theme music of our daily lives. There’s nothing wrong with that.
It is also hard to feel connected to someone when they are so far away, and sometimes it’s just easier not to feel such a strong connection, because the pain of missing that person can be terrible.
Everyone wonders “what if..?” and if they don’t, well… they probably should! So don’t let this issue eat at you so much.
When you’re feeling disconnected: talk to him. Tell him you need a little extra love or reassurance. Reach out to him, and let him soothe you.
