Dear Miss U,
I could really use your help. My ex and I broke up about 9 months ago, and I have wanted him back ever since. He got a new girlfriend less than 3 months after our break up and they are still together. Him and I fell in love, and I still love him now. How can I get him back?
Agonized in Austin
Dear Agonized,
You can’t, and you shouldn’t try. I know it hurts, but he has moved on. He does not want a relationship with you and is involved with someone else. A relationship can only work if both people want to be in it together.My best advice would be to cut contact, block his facebook so you’re not even tempted to check in on him and focus on other areas of your life. Look after yourself, be your own best friend. Moving on when you’re still in love is difficult and painful, but time and distraction will both aid you.
Dear Miss U,
I have been with my bf for almost 4 years, we have a 1 year old daughter and he has yet to ask me to marry him. But this isn’t about him. I’ve had love at first sight with my sisters husbands best friend. When I first laid eyes on him it was like my heart couldn’t beat any faster. The problem is he lives in NC and I live in TN. We have been talking ever since. I do nothing but think about him! I feel awful about it because I do love my bf, Kevin, but he is nothing compared to this guy, Jacob. Kevin has an attitude problem, he gets mad at me when I’m not in “the mood” and I fall more and more out of love with him everyday. Jacob on the other hand, is sooo amazing, so sweet, and absolutely beautiful. I want to be with him more than anything. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to hurt Kevin, but I’m so in love with Jacob and neither of them have any idea…
Courtney
Dear Courtney,
As difficult as it is, you need to be honest – both with yourself and with these men (Or with Jacob at the very least. Don’t start a new relationship off on the wrong foot by starting out with lies.) It’s probably good that there isn’t a marriage in the works if you find you are falling out of love with Kevin. You need to ask yourself if you would think about leaving Kevin if Jacob was not in the picture though, because Jacob is not a sure thing. There’s an element of risk. All people have flaws, you just don’t know what Jacob’s are yet, meanwhile you have to live with Kevin’s every day – so you need to ask yourself “is this a case of the grass being greener on the other side?” find out if you are just bored or if this is indeed a love that will lead into your future.
I know you don’t want to hurt Kevin, but in a way you already have and he just doesn’t know it yet.And unless you cut contact with Jacob and try to forget these feelings ever happened, it will only lead to hurt for Kevin because eventually he is going to figure it out or you’re going to leave him.
Deep inside us, we usually already know the answers to our questions. We know what we want, but we are afraid, we don’t trust ourselves.
Instinctively, you know what you want and need and what is best for your daughter. Listen to yourself. Can you imagine a future where Kevin is no longer your partner? How does that make you feel? Would you regret leaving Kevin after the dust settled or would you feel liberated? Ask yourself many questions and don’t shy from the answers.
