Miss You Issues: Cheaters Gonna Cheat

Dear Miss U,

I've been dating the most amazing guy for 5 months now, we've been good friends for about 3 years. We have dated before, but it has never worked out as amazingly as it is right now. I truly cannot picture my life without him in it. I love him so much and I really believe he is the one for me. We've talked about our future together and how we both want to get married and have kids after we graduate college. We are always on the same page, can communicate well when something is wrong, and know each other better than we know ourselves.

It's our senior year of high school and since we've started dating again we haven't been apart for more than a week. College is just around the corner and it looks like the closest we'll be is an 8-hour car ride from Ohio to North Carolina. I'm worried we won't be able to do it. We want it so badly, but what if it's too much for us? Worse, what if he finds someone better or cheats or stops loving me? How am I supposed to handle all of these open-ended questions? I will never be able to see any of it coming, I can't see the future. All I want is to be with him, and I know we have the same fears and worries, but I need peace of mind.

Please help,
Worried

Dear Worried,

Being long distance actually doesn’t change any of these things. Statistically the rate of infidelity is not higher for LD coupled than near-proximity couples. You could be living with him and he could cheat on you or “find someone better” and you would never see it coming. As scary as long distance might seem, you can’t see the future when you’re physically together either. You just trust that they care about you as much as you care about them – and that doesn’t change.

You’ve said yourself that the communication between the two of you is top notch, and honestly, that’s all you really need to survive a long distance relationship. As long as you keep it fun, rather than just having the same conversation every day, you’ve probably already got this one in the bag.

The transition period will be rough, I’m not going to lie, but if you keep each other as a priority throughout it all, and your conversations remain honest even when they are hard, you will get through this stronger and closer than ever.

Like anything, LDRs are what you put into them. You can choose to make it awesome.

Good luck!

Dear Miss U,

We were so in love in the first year of the relationship. We had 6 months of LDR after she graduated from the University. She flies back to China, whereas I needed to continue my Year 4. However, in order to consolidate our relationship as we both assure that we are each other’s soulmate, I took a gap year to work in Hong Kong so as to stay close to her. From July of 2017 to February of 2018, we were still so in love no matter of distance. We visited each other 6 times.

Our relationship went downhill when she started her master degree in Sydney in March of 2018. She started to hang out with her neighbor, Kurt, like 4 times a week at least. She went clubbing and drinking every weekend. I tried to tell her my feelings and insecurity about her behavior, but she still ignored it and continued dating him. I sort of had a feeling something was wrong with her, but felt helpless because I can’t do anything.

Last week, I visited her in Sydney; bringing lots of presents to make her be happy. (Chanel bag, lammer ..., which I bought with my hard earned money). We met, she did not seem very surprised and excited. She didn’t even hug or kiss the next 3 days. Until two days ago, she did not lock her phone, so I discovered that she had a sex with Kurt from her FB. She cried and begged for my forgiveness. She was only in Sydney for 3 weeks and already had sex with someone else. She said she didn’t love that guy, and it was like a one-night stand. Should I break up? Forgive?

Sing Kit

Dear Sing Kit,

I am so sorry she did that to you. I would break up, and hopefully, you took back those gifts and kept your receipts because clearly, she doesn’t deserve to be pampered. Usually, I’m all “second chances” and “everyone makes mistakes” but honestly you gave this girl lots of opportunities to tell you there was a problem in the relationship, and plenty of opportunities to come clean about her lies. She could have chosen to stop seeing Kurt at any time, and should have done so immediately when she realized there was an attraction between them. A decent human being wouldn’t have led you on, making you fly all that way, when she wasn’t interested in being with you. You can do far better than this girl!

I hope Sydney was kind to you, and you enjoyed your stay in my home city regardless of her pathetic behavior. Good luck in your new, baggage-free, life.

Dear Miss U, … Last week, he came here to visit and we took a trip to Amsterdam. The whole time he felt so distant from me and I felt like the romance was lacking. The sex part was fine and we got along like friends but we wouldn’t snuggle or hold hands or kiss and it made me upset. Normally, he is so complimentary and not afraid to be emotional and share how much he loves me but he was not like this at all so I started panicking. I saw him a month previously and he was not like this, so his change in behavior was concerning. [read more: Would he tell you if he cheated?]
Dear Miss U, I had cheated on my girlfriend over 2 yrs ago. I am not defending my actions, but I was unaware she had considered us to be together as boyfriend and girlfriend at the time. I apologized over and over again. She cheated on me to get back at me and show me how it feels. I was crushed and heartbroken. I have forgiven her for her actions, as she did it to show me how badly I hurt her. I’ve written her multiple page apology letters, bought her little gifts, tried to set her mind at ease and she just won’t forgive me. [read more: The Unforgivable]

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.