Dear Miss U,
I’m in love with this boy in North Carolina and I live in Washington. So we live about 2367 miles apart from each other. He likes me, but he has trust issues. He hasn’t had a girlfriend for two years, but when he’s been cheated on in the two relationships that he’s been in. He says he trusts me, but that his past holds him back and stuff. I have trust issues, too… but I trust him enough and I’m really trying to stay positive. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I really wish he was mine… but there isn’t really much I can do. He already knows things about me, I opened up and we talk on the phone almost every night. He’s been thinking about it… but is there any way I can prove to him that I’m not like the others? And that I really do care about him? Please help me.
Brenna
Dear Brenna,
Let me get this straight, he’s 16 and already has trust issues? People are getting baggage earlier and earlier it seems. Or maybe, as I’m starting to suspect, “trust issues” are starting to become a popular catch phrase and that anyone who is someone has them. Because, you know, at 14 you totally expect to be in deep meaningful monogamous relationships that last into old age and you’re going to be messed up for life if they somehow don’t work out. Please excuse my sarcasm, but don’t you think this is a tad over-dramatic?
I would wait it out. Wait for him to get over himself, mature a little bit and realize that you are not those other girls. Give him time to figure out that two years have passed and in that time both he and the girls around him (including you!) have matured quite a bit and are likely more able to recognize what is and is not acceptable in a relationship. In the meantime, remind him that you’re not one of his exes. If one person robs a bank, that person goes to jail. Not the person who walks up to the teller the next day. Point this out to him.
Until he figures it out on his own just be your normal honest self. Time and an unblemished personal record are the only things we really have at our disposal to prove our trustworthiness.
Dear Miss U,
Thank you both soooo f’ing much for this site!
Me and my man are meeting up for the first time soon (in 2 months). We skype daily without camera.
We both want to “see” each other in person not on camera.
While we have sent photos, I’m afraid he will be disappointed. I have sent photos of me from age 20 thru 36, I don’t have any recent ones. He says he know I’m a 39 year old woman and not a 20 year old girl, but still, I’m afraid. I haven’t been with a man for 1/2 a decade and the idea of one seeing me nude is horrific. He says he loves me not my body, but…anyway… what if 1 is not attracted to the other? And one is? I love him and I know he loves me, we have great phone sex and Text sex (that was weird and awesome)…but I just worry…has anyone met their ‘other’ and said “no”?
LA
Dear LA,
I’m glad you like the site, I think it’s pretty awesome too. I’m neither Michelle or Frank, but I’m sure they’ll read this and appreciate your praise.
I’m going to give you the same advice I give the much younger people who contact me before meeting the first time – Seeing each other on camera is a safety thing as much as anything else. A person can give you pictures of anyone, but to the best of my knowledge a video call cannot be faked. It’s never advisable to meet someone first time without having the security of having seen them live on cam. Usually, the example to give is “what if he’s a middle aged man?!” but well… you already know he is and you wouldn’t want him to be something else!
That aside, it does occasionally happen that a couple will meet and have no chemistry. There are a lot of things that go into physical attraction that you can’t get from photos or webcams. A huge part of attraction lies in the way a person smells, their mannerisms, body language, hygiene etc – so many things you just won’t know for sure until you meet. But the good thing is love does tend to be blind. When you love someone their physical flaws seem to get this magical airbrush, and we can suddenly see past them or they appear less severe. Talk to each other and discuss what the plan of attack will be if the chemistry isn’t there. Would you continue to date and hope the flames of passion kindle slowly? Would you choose to just be friends, or would you wish to sever contact? It’s always nice to know where you stand and what you can expect.
I’d also suggest, for your own piece of mind, sending him a recent photo – even if that means using your phone’s camera in the mirror. And be kind to yourself; whilst you don’t have the same figure you did at twenty that doesn’t mean you can’t be smokin’ hot.
