Dear Miss U,
Ok… this might sound really stupid! Ugh I blame media for this at the same time. Before I met my bf Paul (he’s from UK, I am from Puerto Rico) online. I thought it was Bullshit that the end of the world is near since I’ve met him I’m feeling so scared that it might happen and I don’t want it to happen not until I see him in person! I just really wanna know am I the only person feeling this way?
~ Jamie
Dear Jamie,
It’s already tomorrow in Australia, and from what I hear they are all just fine. So we’re probably safe.
But I do think it’s normal for people to fear things that they don’t understand and can not control. It is normal to fear death, or to fear our lives will end before we achieve everything we wish to. Even though most people are confident the world will not end tomorrow, I think everyone will breathe a huge sigh of relief when the day is finally over. And this fear is why it’s important not to waste a single day, and to tell the people we love how much we care for them.
Spend the time between now and then with him on Skype if you can and perhaps rehash your plans so that you can meet sooner rather than later just in case something does happen to one of you or the entire world when you least expect it.
Dear Miss U,
I found the love of my life and I can’t wait until I can hopefully one day be by his side. I really would love nothing more than to navigate this long distance relationship successfully and marry this man.
There are a few issues though. One major one in fact…his online activities. He’s a fan of the more adventurous side of bedroom activities. I’m completely fine with that but one night he sent me a link to what he thought was a funny youtube video but it was actually a link to a “personals site”. I asked him about it and he gave me 3 different answers. I believed him because I trust him and he has nothing to hide with me by this point. It did make me suspicious though so I did a little googling. I found another profile on another site. This wouldn’t bother me as much if he still wasn’t actively checking into these profiles every few days to a week. I don’t know what he’s doing on these sites (just checking in, actively seeking, etc.) but I do know it’s really bothering me.
How can I get over this or get him to stop? I’ve asked him about it since the “oopsie” link and he says he’s just checking because he finds it funny…admittedly some are kinda funny. I know in a LDR there’s no room for doubt or not having trust so I need to find a way to accept this and possibly put a stop to the activities. It’s really starting to negatively impact us because I’m screwing it up all because this is affecting me so much and because of schedules we haven’t seen each other in months.
~ Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
Something smells fishy, I’m not going to lie. As with everything else, listen to your instincts on this one. To me it doesn’t seem like it is you screwing everything up at all. It’s you not turning a blind eye to things that you shouldn’t be letting slide. We all have an instinct to protect ourselves and our relationships; there’s nothing wrong with that.
Unfortunately you can’t force him to stop. You can ask him nicely and hope he stops, with the risk he’ll just be more careful to hide it, or you can accept that he’s doing it… which I can’t really imagine any self-respecting woman doing.
What I would do is make a fake account on one of these sites and find out if his intentions are as innocent as he would have you believe. It’s sneaky and perhaps a little childish, but it is one way to know for sure.
Dear Miss U,
My “Boyfriend” and I have had feelings for each other for a little over 5 years now. We both believe that we are one of the rare couples that meet early in life and spend the rest of it together. I moved away though within the 1st year, 5 months after we began dating. I now live around 18 hours away from him. We text all the time, he Skypes me every day just to try and help since he knows its hardest on me, and we even made our own little punctuation face that means hugging you tight and kissing you sweetly. It gets hard though when my friends and I go on group dates because I don’t have him there and I’m the one that skates alone, doesn’t have someone to cuddle at the movies, and all that stuff. It also hurts when I see people kissing or cuddling up to their guys. I want that too and I know that the wait will be worth it when I can be with him, but how do I try to make it through the distance part without feeling so down when these things happen? Thanks.
~ Fifth wheel far away
Dear Fifth,
It’s hard to teach yourself to just be happy for others without any envy, but it’s a good quality to have, and really all you can do. Perhaps he can give you something, a tiny stuffed animal to keep in your pocket and pet when you get lonely, or a watch that you can fiddle with to remind yourself it’s only a matter of time before you’re together again? Something meaningful that you can have with you at all times to remind you that you’re not alone at all.
He is always connected to you through the bond of love that you have, so when you’re sitting without him in the cinema reach out your heart/mind to him, send him that loving energy and all your good wishes. Pour your love into what you have instead of wasting energy on what you don’t.
It also wouldn’t hurt to have another friend to invite along for those awkward moments where your mates are getting lost in each other’s gazes, or you can take those moments to text your boyfriend.
Remember, even when you are in a NPR you won’t always have him with you. He might be working late, might not like those particular friends, or it might be a ‘night out with the girls’ where he stays home and watches TV shows you hate; so perhaps you can think of it like that instead of something to be upset over.
