Dear Miss U,
Don’t get me wrong, but I’m totally in love with my boyfriend, but the thing is I’m having a hard time to trust him again. I trusted him completely, but then one day i woke up and on his profile photo was a photo of him with another girl’s photo put together next to each other in a photo grid. The way he did for me. He convinced me that he has lost a football bet and that was a photo of his friend’s ex. it was either the photo or chant the rival’s football song & wear the shirt. It hit me hard. I felt so heart broken, he doesn’t seem the type and he’s told me I’m his only girlfriend, well to be honest according to him, I’m his first gf ever. He’s very kind and patient if you wonder what he is like, always there for me in the past when I’m in a bad situation. Do you think he’s too good to be true? and recently we skyped, I guess he mustn’t thought much about it and we “shared screen” and I saw on his skype there’s a list of girl contacts that are random but when I confronted him, he swore on his life and his families’ life that he’s telling me the truth and that he doesn’t talk to these girls, it was in the past and it’s all a mess. His face expression changed to fear & sadness when I asked about it, he kept saying things on Skype whilst I couldn’t find my words to say anything. I feel bad for making him feel that way but at the same time i can’t help but have trust issues. I just don’t want to get heart broken when i love him very much. I tried to move past it but, what do I do?
Ouchmyheart
Dear Ouchmyheart,
From what I can tell here, you are panicking and accusing your boyfriend over nothing. If he were cheating on you I’m certain he’d go to greater lengths to hide it, whereas it seems like he hasn’t considered that his actions will upset you at all, likely because he hasn’t done anything wrong. Even in the event he is talking to other girls it doesn’t necessarily mean he is cheating on you or betraying you in some way. It’s alright for him to have friends, even of the opposite gender. It’s also alright for him to have a past.
You mentioned that you’re his first girlfriend. Perhaps because of his inexperience he isn’t 100% sure how he should act, or what it is you expect of him. Talk to him, explain how things like changing his photo to one with his mate’s ex looks really bad and that he needs to communicate these things with you before you find them and assume the worst.
If you are really unsure, you can also find ways to verify what he tells you. Know this though: If you are constantly getting upset with him, you show that you don’t trust him, or you accuse him constantly, he is going to learn to hide things from you – possibly innocent things – to avoid you freaking out.
There are a lot of dishonest people out there, and it’s great that you’re not having blind faith in him, but give the relationship time to develop and hear his out without getting upset unless you are confident he is up to no good.
Dear Miss U,
So my girlfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. She is still in college while I already graduated, so I admit that financially I am better off than her right now. So even though I usually pay to fly and see her, and pay for meals, that doesn’t bother me. We have already talked about it, and there is no problem here. The problem I am having is the little things that I do. Every since time I see her I have flowers for her, usually I bring her candy or something small (under 5 dollars) that she likes just to let her know I was thinking about her. And at least once a month I send her a postcard or a letter. The problem that I am having is that I don’t feel like I get anything in return. She never seems to do any of the little things for me that I do for her. I have even a few times hinted at it. So, after all this, I have a few questions. The first, am I being ridiculous here, is this something I should let go and move on? Next, if my girlfriend enjoys getting these “little gifts” (which she says she does) why would she not want to reciprocate and do the same back?
And finally, is there anything I can do to change it? Thanks for your help!
Simple Question
Dear SQ,
It is possible that she feels she does reciprocate, but that the two of you need to show and receive affection in different ways. To you, that might be thoughtful little gifts, but to her it might be words, or making extra time for you or any number of little things that you don’t notice she’s doing. The best thing to do is talk to each other about it. Don’t hint. Just come right out and say what is on your mind. Discuss it and then you just might find out that all this time you’ve been giving her little gifts but she really just wants you to write her a sappy poem instead (for example only!) Tell her that it would mean a lot to you if she tried to be a bit more romantic and that guys appreciate the sweet gestures just as much as women do – because it seems to be a part of our culture that the guy woos the girl, and the girl doesn’t do anything back because the guy wouldn’t alike it. Let her know she doesn’t have to hold back!
Dear Miss U,
I met a guy about a month ago, via online video chat. We were both there out of boredom, and our talk lasted for hours. I didn’t want it to end, so I asked if he would make Skype and add me. Well, he did, and things just took off from there. We talk every day, Good Morning/Good Night messages minimum, but it’s normally about 4 or 5 hours Skyping. It doesn’t feel overwhelming or obligated; we just enjoy each other’s company. He lives in England, and I live in the U.S.. It’s all been wonderful, and while I’m waiting for ‘the catch’ it keeps getting better. Both of us are willing to move to the other if things pan out, and we adore that it’s our personalities we’re attracted to most.
Neither of us was looking for this. I’m moving states so my mind has been anti-relationship lately. But meeting each other feels like fate in so many ways.
The things is, we talk as if we’re together. And I don’t mean just sweet towards each other, I mean plan. We are 110% honest about our expectations, and it seems to me that we both want the same things. He’s finished college and I graduate in 4 months, I have no doubt we could make this work; I just need an outside opinion.
Is this crazy? I feel like the luckiest girl in the world having met him; we aren’t a couple but we both agree that’s what we want in time. But then the distance… I guess I’m afraid to mess up. I care a lot and *I* think I’m in the right place, but what if I’m wrong? I’m just happy, and would like to stay that way<3 Smitten Sweetheart
Dear Sweetheart,
So what if it’s a little crazy? If you are both happy, go with it! If it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, then chalk it up to experience; you’re young enough to make a few mistakes. To me it sounds like a beautiful thing. You’re being realistic about what you expect, and you both seem down to earth which is great – you need that to survive the visa process. Take a bit more time, keep getting to know each other and just… go with it. Don’t rush it, savor the sweet moments and take the time to really get inside each other’s heads.
Love can be crazy and surreal and frightening, that’s half the fun. Just keep being honest with each other, talk everything out the way you have been and enjoy the journey.
