LD without the R, take two.

Dear Miss U,

I wrote a few weeks ago about how I’m struggling to get over a long distance breakup. Some time has passed now, and it hasn’t gotten any easier. We agreed to go no contact until I get back (which is in 1 month, meaning 2 months will pass between the breakup and us speaking again). We haven't texted during that time, but he's been liking/viewing posts and responding to my messages in a shared group chat like we're still friends.

I’ve done everything you’re supposed to do after a breakup, staying busy, traveling, keeping in touch with friends/family, and starting new hobbies, but it hasn’t done anything to quell the feeling that we have unfinished business. He clarified after the initial breakup conversation that he wanted to end things because the relationship had started to feel like a chore and wasn’t making him as happy anymore. In my mind, that’s totally normal and healthy when you’ve been with the same person for years and they’re 9,000 miles away. I’m confident that when we’re back in the same town, we’d be able to pick things up where we left off and be even stronger for the time apart. I want to ask him to try again but I don’t know how. Should I tell him before I get back that I’d like to try again so he has time to think it over? Should I wait until we can speak in person? Is it a bad idea overall and I should just wait and see if he comes to me? We went 2.5 years with no arguments or doubts, and I think it’s a mistake throw that away without trying.

Unfinished Business

Dear Unfinished Business,

Lovely to hear from you again, I’m sorry that nothing has improved.

I feel like he probably knows you want to try again, he’d have to be pretty dense to not have gotten that memo, but if you want to lay it out and make sure you’re both on the same page about how you feel, do it! Better to just have it out there, rather than letting it drive you insane, rattling around in your head.

It’s 2019, we don’t have to wait for our partners to come to us. You want someone, you go ahead and let them know!

Yeah, I reckon that’s totally normal too. Sometimes dating is a chore, but hell, there are a lot of things we do in this life because the long term outcome is more important than our short term comforts. That’s how I see it anyway.

Obviously, he needs this break, so if you do tell him, it might be worth prefacing it with an acknowledgment that you’re not trying to break the no-contact rule and you don’t expect a reply (or whatever works for you).

I want you to know you have my sympathy. My best friend broke up with me at the beginning of the year, and though I’m doing all the things you’re doing (staying busy, focus on family, yada yada) I can’t stop myself thinking about her. Wishing things were different. Grieving. I tell myself these feelings are part of the human experience and we just have to live them to move on, but it’s hard. Every day is hard. So, I feel for you.

Human connection is a treasure. When you find someone you connect with on a soul level, who you don’t argue with or doubt, that’s worth fighting for. I’m glad you’re not giving up easily. As my American mates would say, I’m rooting for you.

Dear Miss U, My ex and I dated for over two years, and he broke up with me a few days ago (we’re long distance while I work abroad for a summer). The breakup wasn’t because of the distance — we successfully did 6 months apart earlier in our relationship — but the distance is making it harder to recover, somehow. I spent a lot of time learning how to feel close to him even when we didn’t get to see each other or talk often, and I don’t know how to unlearn that. I also can’t get over the feeling that if I was home it wouldn’t have happened, and maybe I just have to stick it out until I’m home again and he’ll change his mind somehow… [read more: LD without the R]
Dear Miss U, My boyfriend broke up with me by phone two months ago. We had been dating for more than 1 year and knew each other 1 year before dating. He’s from Mexico and I’m from Spain. We loved each other a lot and we both could feel it. We made plans for the near future: I was going to work in Spain first, save some money and then move to Mexico, where he owns a local company. We had got flight tickets, a flat, a business idea for me to work in there… But he eventually felt confused and broke up with me. He said he loved me and I know it has been painful for him too. However, we haven’t got the chance to meet and I’m suffering a lot. Now, I’m thinking about flying to see him in order to have a chat and have a proper end or even reopen the possibility to come back… [read more: Closure & Validation]

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.