Needy Girlfriends

Dear Miss U,

According to everyone, we make a great couple together especially in long distance relationship as he is in London completing his studies in the Merchant Navy and I’m here in India. I really miss him a lot especially at night because my mind is free from everything, and we usually call up for around 30 minutes maximum, but when I sleep and miss him I text him but according to him I do the worst thing cause we always fight after saying "miss you." I want to control myself but I can’t. Sometimes this leads to a big fight too.

Please help me Miss U 🙁
UK to India

Dear UK to India,

You’re allowed to miss your boyfriend! And you’re allowed to express it too! Heck, all of your feelings are real and valid, and you should be able to safely share them with your partner.

Why is it so hard for him to say “I miss you, too.” Or even, “It’s hard, but we’re worth it,” instead of turning it into an argument? I personally would be re-thinking a relationship with someone who consistently got angry about my emotions. To me, that shows a lack of support. It doesn’t matter if everyone thinks he’s a great match, it matters how he makes you feel. It matters that he treats you with respect.

I wish I could help you more, but unless you’re endlessly nagging him to give up his career and move or something, you’re not in the wrong here and I’d be considering other romantic options.

The problem is him, not you.

Dear Miss U,

When we were just going on dates and not a couple, my now boyfriend knew that we would have to do long distance. When he first asked me to be his girlfriend I said no because I knew how hard it would be. Thankfully he ended up asking me again and we made it official.

So far things have been going great. Between being 3 hours apart over the last two months we have been able to see each other twice.

I'm starting to get a little restless though because he is not the best texter and while it used to not bother me it is starting to now. I think it only bothers me because he loves to Snapchat but I actually hate Snapchatting. I would much rather text. I cannot ask him to stop Snapchatting either because he has a condition where he is unable to imagine things such as my face so Snapcatting helps him be able to see me physically all the time.

I guess what I'm looking for is some tips on how to communicate with him without seeming needy or pushy given the fact that he may not like texting. I also think I like texting more because I was only ever in one relationship before this one where we texted constantly.

Gabrielle

Hi Gabrielle,

From a deep communication standpoint, both texting and Snapchat suck, and I don’t think either is a good base for the majority of your communication. I suggest exploring other options to supplement these, like video calls.

Perhaps if you included more pictures and short videos into your text messages, or changed over to a texting platform that supported those, he would be better at responding. Personally, I like Facebook messenger, because the little face is always there on my screen. I don’t have to wait for an app to load (Snapchat) or navigate away from what I’m already doing to look at my messages (text).

Messenger also allows you to send one-minute long voice clips, which is so much faster than typing a message.

It makes me sad how many girls write to me worrying about seeming needy. It's okay to have needs! It's good to advocate for what you want. Being assertive doesn't make you unattractive, and if it does he can find himself a doormat at the department store.

Really though, you need to talk to each other about this. Find a compromise that works for both of you. It’s as simple and complex as that.

Dear Miss U, My partner and I have gone through a lot of ups and downs and the latest down is the line between personal space and communicating (I don’t know if I explained that correctly). What I’m getting at is, simply, I have no friends. And my SO does. I’m starting to feel like I’m “smothering” them by texting or being annoyed if they don’t answer or if they don’t pick up a facetime call and it’s like I feel like I’m being annoying and clingy because of my lack of friendships or even “life.” [read more: Non-Instant Communication]
Dear Miss U, My husband left for deployment almost 3 months ago and has 7-11 months left. I suffer from anxiety and depression. We talk a couple times a week if we’re lucky. I’ve asked him to write me letters so I have something to look forward to and to look over on the days that I don’t get to talk to him. I’ve asked him to send me emails. He always makes excuses as to why he hasn’t done it. He hasn’t read any of the letters or emails that I have sent him. We started reading the 5 Love Languages Military Edition before he left, he promised to finish, he still hasn’t. When we do talk, he seems so distant… [read more: Married Alone]

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.