How To Be Magnetic

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend and I have known each other for about 4 years, and during that time we broke up and get back together several times. It's been about a year that we have been serious about our goals, but have not met yet because of different problems and conditions occurring (like visa problem, travel cost and now quarantine).

We broke up a month ago, and I didn't contact him. As long as I was fully ignoring him he was reaching out many times, and yesterday he asked to get back together... I told him maybe.

The main reason we broke up was because during the last 2-3 months of our relationship he started paying less attention to me and we were not talking at all, only few texts in the morning. Also, I am having trust issues about him being devoted, I think he flirts with other girls on social media. And he got tired of my fights all the time so we broke up mutually.

Now he says he will change, but I am pretty sure all same problems will occur, but I wanna try again at least until we meet in real life.

I would like to ask how can I re-attract his attention and make him devoted only to me because he is not as attentive and caring as he was at the beginning of our relationship.

Thank you
Vicky

Dear Vicky,

Accusations are a poison to your relationship. Never imply he is being unfaithful unless you have evidence. Our partners deserve to feel trusted. If you don’t trust him, this relationship is better off left in the past. Love can’t survive in an environment of no trust. In addition to that, he’s allowed to have female friends. He’s allowed to joke around and give them compliments too, so long as he’s honest about being in a monogamous relationship and he doesn’t try to escalate those friendships. Always ask yourself “if he said that to another guy, would I be concerned?”

If you do get back together, you need to have a big talk about expectations. Communicating with you and spending time as a couple is a default, and he needs to understand that. Daily conversation is the bare minimum, if he can’t manage that, I highly doubt he’s going to put effort into much harder things like closing the distance and keeping a home with you. Say no to lazy selfish partners.

I can’t tell you how to make him more devoted or how to re-attract his attention, and if I could, I still wouldn’t. He needs to be into YOU. The real you, not the "you" you try to be to impress him. That’s a short term fix, and you’re better than that. You deserve better than that. Be yourself, and if he doesn’t flock to your side, give him the flick, and find someone who is irresistibly attracted to your light. Find someone who loves you and wants you. Not someone who can’t make up his mind, or someone who only talks to you when it suits him.

I’ve met plenty of people from the internet “in real life” and I can tell you with confidence that they are the same people they appear to be online. If he’s forgetful, inattentive, and flirts with other women online, when you meet in person he’s still going to be someone who is forgetful, inattentive, and flirty.

Talk to him, not just about your issues, but about solutions. Tell him exactly what you need and how you’d like to receive his love. It is an honor — a privilege — to date you and to receive your affection. Don’t for a moment think you need to win him. Ask for what you need, acknowledging the value of everything you bring to the table, and if he can’t give you that, move on.

Dear Miss U, We started dating four months ago, things were great but 2 months ago he left for college and it’s pretty far away. I’ve visited him once for his birthday. I am so happy and proud of him for adjusting and making friends easily and smoothly, but now our relationship is on some sort of schedule and we talk to each other in like 15-minute intervals. He is so busy and I am too but it just feels like he is loving school more than he loves me… [read more: Pay Attention to Her]
Dear Miss U, Since I came back from my visit in December, the distance has been pretty hard. We even did a break for a week (he came back texting me after 3 days). We had long talks and everything came back kinda like it was. I tried to find every solution to close the gap and ended up thinking about doing my studies there. He was pretty happy about it. But since then, there is something missing between us too. He got a new job, just bought a house. This is a lot of stress for him (I understand that) but I feel like he’s not paying attention to me as he used to. We text but he’s acting more like he’s talking to a friend… [read more: Feeling Neglected]

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.