Dear Miss U,
My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for a few months now, but we have known each other for years. I’m a college student and was home for the summer and we saw each other nearly every day, and it was wonderful. However, by the time I left for college a few hours away, she had gotten a new job and enrolled as a full time student in a community college. It’s been about two weeks since I’ve been away and I hardly hear from her. She texts me every day but they’re hardly a conversation and I constantly send long messages telling her about what’s going on with me and what I’m up to only to receive nothing in return. I called her tonight and she said she was just too busy and just doesn’t get around to answering my messages, and even over the phone she seems stressed and tired and unhappy. Should I wait for her to become more acclimated to her new situation, or should I try to push her into messaging me more often? I feel like she doesn’t even want to talk, since I message so much and hardly receive anything in return, and recently it’s all I’ve been able to think about. Please help!
~ Busy Bee
Dear Busy Bee,
Sometimes texting is a pain in the ass. What was designed to be a quick form of communication turns into anything but that if you have to write a novel in response. Some people don’t have time for that, and other people would just get frustrated with it even if they did have time. Text messaging was never designed for lengthy conversation, so I would recommend saving your texts.
Talk to her about when the best time for her to talk might be, and see if there is something that would work better for the both of you. Perhaps, seeming she is so tired in the evening, you could do the bulk of your talking in the morning while you commute to work or college. Or at lunch.
Her disinclination to text or talk probably has nothing to do with you, she’s just exhausted. Sometimes you work so hard in life you have nothing left to give. That doesn’t mean she loves you any less.
Dear Miss U,
I’ve been dating a wonderful man whom I love for almost two years. He’s talked about moving to my city for well over a year now. He can work from home so he can live anywhere. When he does make the move, he will be moving his parents as well, since they are elderly. I am frustrated because lately, he does not talk about it or express interest at looking at apartments anymore. I don’t want to feel like a nag and bring it up that often. I feel if he really wants to do it, it has to be his choice and not feel any pressure from me. I’m wondering if I should give myself some sort of time limit before I decide to move on, and should I tell him that and how. I’m not getting any younger and don’t want to be one of these women who sits in a relationship for years if there is no future.
~ Frustrated in Atlanta
Dear Frustrated,
Perhaps he has encountered road blocks because his parents don’t want to move and he’s worried about addressing that with you, or there is some other hold-up. I would go with being direct, as there should be nothing you can’t talk about within a relationship. Ask him if there’s anything he needs help with to make this move happen in a timely fashion, as it shouldn’t just be his burden to bear. Ask him where he is at with his plans and gently let him know that while you don’t want to be a nag or put unnecessary pressure on him, you’re not interested in being long distance indefinitely and simply can’t continue to wait endlessly. I don’t recommend telling him you have set your own personal time limit, rather give him this warning, and then if there’s no acceptable progress in six months (or whatever your limit is), call it quits.
Dear Miss U,
I’m happily with a person I love a lot.
I have a friend who I did talk to a lot, we didn’t speak for a long time.
when I first got with my love, out of the blue my friend started talking to me again and saying he loves me but I feel like he only lusts after me, that he only wants me for sex.
I have asked another friend for advice but it wasn’t the best.
I love the person I am with.
I feel that my friend is just a friend.
Plus my friend only told me after I got with my SO.
~Totally confused
Dear Totally confused,
I don’t see what the problem is. You love your SO. You’re not interested in your friend. And if he’s willing to try and drive a wedge in your new relationship, he isn’t much of a friend anyway. I recommend cutting contact with him, seeming as he only recently bothered to get back in contact with you, and put it out of your mind.
