Dear Miss U,
First of all, I want to thank in advance for the replies that will come.
So, this is it, it will be a bit tricky, but here it goes: I met her in 2007, but the way we met was movie material. I went to see a movie with my friend and in the whole cinema were only 5 people, us two, a guy and two girls. I saw one of them when I entered and she caught my eyes, she was really really beautiful, but I was really shy and I didn’t talk to her. Later that night, god knows how, I started to chat with a girl on this music forum and I asked her for her yahoo id to chat there. We started talking and we gave each other a photo. We recognized each other, it was her, the gal from the cinema. We started talking, but she was with a guy. All of 2008 we spoke and become closer and closer and in the new days of 2009, she broke up with him and we decided to meet for the first time on Valentine ‘s Day. A bit cliché but I was dumb back then. A week before we would meet, we stopped talking because she got together with a guy to get back at her ex. That guy was a friend of her ex. I felt broken hearted and erase her contacts and so on. After three months, she tried to talk to me, but I refused and that looked the end of it.
Then, two nights before her wedding, I’ve sent her a long message in which I have told her some stuff and I ended it with: you will always be the one that got away.
She got married, things passed and in June she called me, out of the blue. We talked, talked, talked and things become more and more intense. We made videos for each other, audio blogs, mails, etc. It was all too much. And finally she said she is coming to see me. She did, but in the last minute, her husband came along and we couldn’t see each other. I was sad, but somehow I knew she will do this and I was upset so time passed again. Then, after just three weeks after that moment, she told me she is coming here for the weekend. I didn’t believe her, but I decided to wait her at the airport. I was looking at the flight list and I was convinced I am a ******, she won’t come, but the doors opened and there she was. The moment we saw each other. …. You can’t fake that, the emotion, the way she was shaking, that can’t be faked. We had an incredible weekend, absolutely incredible and the weird part was that she introduced me to her parents.
That weekend was so intense and we started making plans how this can work. She has a business and she has to stay married and two years there, because if she is alone, she can’t stay in that country and will have to leave. We decided to have two years. The day she went, I left her in a metro and before the doors closed, like in a movie, she jumped she ran after me on the platform and went into my arms and she said it: I love you, I love you with all my heart. She said this: live your life in these two years, but after this, I am coming for you, for us, I am coming to be with you forever.
This was a month ago, Monday it will be our one month anniversary. This relationship has its ups and downs. We Skype and chat almost non-stop in some days and not that much in other ones. I am trying to keep it together and not show, but I am so afraid, I don’t want to lose her, I know she is the one, that we are meant to be together, but life ****ed us over so much so I am so afraid. When she is not there but she has seen my Facebook messages or phone messages, I feel like a part of me is dying. So, my question is this, can I pull this? Or is it impossible?
I do not believe in long distance relationships, but I believe if we want to make it happen, we will. But as I said, I am so afraid and paranoid when she doesn’t answer and I wish wasn’t like this.
Thank you for reading and please help a fella out.
~ Madalin
Dear Madalin,
Life didn’t fuck you over – she did. Let’s be very clear on that from the outset. She chose to bail on you right before meeting. She chose to date another man to get back at her ex. She chose to marry another man who she’s now being unfaithful to. And you also made a choice; not to seek her out and attempt to meet up with her in her hometown before all of this went down. It’s not life that’s doing wicked things to you but your own decisions. I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, rather so that you realize you are the masters of your own destiny. You have control over your life just as she controls hers – and there’s so much dishonesty going on here it’s hard for me to have faith in her confessions of love to you or her promises of a future together in two years.
We all make mistakes and we all deserve a second chance, but I urge you to guard your heart at least a little here because she comes across as being very selfish, callow and dishonest. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket here, because she obviously isn’t.
With that said, yes, you can pull this off! It is possible. Two years is in fact a very short period of time. It will pass quickly while you are living your life. As you have discovered, long distance relationships are not really that much fun, and less so when you’re the other man of a married woman. There probably won’t be many visits to look forward to and you can’t do more than dream about a future together while she’s tied up in her current life – but you can weather the storm. You’re already doing it. Remember that it takes a lot of independence to pull off a long distance relationship and it takes trust. Don’t spend your time worrying if she doesn’t answer a call or text right away – remind yourself that she has a life. She is busy but she still loves you. Go be busy too and help the time pass a bit faster.
If you are meant to be together then you won’t get much of a say in the matter. It will happen. Indeed if you both want this enough, it will happen. Sometimes we get through terrible situations because there is no other way but forward. There’s no option of getting off the road. Time continues to pass no matter how you spend it. You know you can’t back out because you’ve tried to break it off with her before and that didn’t work, so now your only option is to hang on and see where this goes, right? So stay busy, enjoy the contact you have when you have it, live your life to the max when you don’t and one day tomorrow will be THE DAY everything changes.
Best of luck!
Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend and I lived a few blocks from each other when we started dating, then due to work I had to move to the next town over, and we went from seeing each other almost every day to a few times a week and weekends. Then due to work he had to move 150 miles away. At first we were both really good about communicating with each other, then he stopped responding. I have not talked to him for over seven weeks, I feel like I must have done something wrong? I know he works all the time, but he used to at least respond to texts. I leave a voicemail at least once a week.
I have had boyfriends before, but I am his first girlfriend. We are both traditional kids from small rural towns. I know he would never cheat on me, so that’s not an issue.
I’m friends with his sister (she set us up actually), and she says none of his relatives can figure out why he suddenly stopped talking to me. He is also being harassed by his buddies on the fire crew he works on, because he told them it’s been that long.
Neither of us were ever really good at phone conversations when we lived near each other, so am hoping maybe that is the reason?
I love him, even now I just love him, and miss him. And even though most of my friends and some of his relatives are trying to convince me to break up with him, I just want to talk with him again.
~ Ann
Dear Ann,
You can’t break up with a guy you’re not in a relationship with. And sadly, you’re not in a relationship with this guy. It’s been seven weeks and he hasn’t bothered to even let you know he’s alive. No matter how much a person works there really is no excuse for that. Even if his phone was lost/stolen/broken, there are no internet cafés near his work that he could go to during his break and he couldn’t pass a message to you through his family or mutual friends, in seven weeks he could have put a note in an envelope that said “Miss you, Love you. Have no phone. Been busy.” and mailed it to you. He could have done something. And yet, he’s done nothing. I think that tells you everything you need to know.
If you need closure, my advice would be for you to go there. Take a mate for moral support and to share the hotel fee if you can’t make it a day trip, and talk to him face to face. But don’t get your hopes up sweetheart, because actions speak louder than words.
