<< Back to Long Distance Advice Q&A's
“How to ease the pain of missing the girl I love?”
August 2, 2008
Greetings Michelle and Frank! Since the first day I’ve visited your website, I should say I’m pretty much in love with it. The advice and everything is absolutely great, but sometimes it’s hard to bear the pain of not seeing the girl that I love. Are there any ways to solve this problem? We are 6,000 miles apart, there is about 13 hours of time difference, and the next time I’ll see her will probably be sometime in December, because that’s when my school’s winter break starts. I would like your advice on how to ease the pain of missing the girl that I love. Thank you so much for your time and advice!
Sincerely,
Caynenne
Michelle says…
Hi Cayenne! I’m really glad you like the website! Just hearing that makes me feel really good.
Here’s my advice to you on how to make your time away from your girlfriend a little easier:
Because of the time difference, which inevitably reduces the amount of time you are able to spend together on the phone or chatting online, why not spend the time you are not able to spend with her doing something for her? Get creative and make something. Here are some examples:
- Make a hand-made card
- Write a poem
- Draw or paint her a picture
- Write a story about you and her (eg, your top # favorite memories, story of how you met/how you fell for her, etc.) You can even make it fun and draw your own pictures like a children’s book.
- Write a journal that you can share with her, or make an account on a journal online that you can share together and take turns writing in.
- Make her video messages that you can record with your camera and email to her (Sendspace.com lets you send large files if your email provider or hers can’t handle it. Plus it’s free) This is a good idea since it might be hard for you two to find time to get online together and you can watch the videos on your own time.
- Make a photo slide show/video with music with pictures of you and her
- Make her a CD of her favorite songs
- Make her a care package filled with favorite snacks, a book or movie you think she would like, pictures, and anything else you think she may like
You are only limited by your imagination. I’ve made things for Frank before, and I had lots of fun working on them. It really does help take your mind off the negatives of being in a long distance relationship, and makes you focus more on your love for the other person. There are also lots of ideas on our Things for LDR Couples To Do page. Check that page out from time to time. I’m always adding new things and new fun websites that allow couples to interact in different ways other than by phone, email, IM, etc.
My last piece of advice is to not take this time for granted. Use it to learn as much as you can about your girlfriend before one of you makes the move to be with the other. Also, don’t forget about using this time to focus on yourself. Spend time with friends, go watch a movie, read a good book, and have fun.
Hope this helps!
Michelle
Frank says…
Thank you for your support of the website and kind words.
Everyone would agree that the biggest downside to a long distance relationship is not being able to see your boyfriend/girlfriend. It is necessary to come up with some tricky ways to bridge this distance. I believe Michelle has given you several good ideas. I really do like the idea of you making something for your girlfriend. It gives you an inexpensive way to give a gift, and it gives you time to think about your girlfriend.
Two other things you could try:
- Write a journal throughout the day, or at least at the end of the day. You could focus on things happening such as how you were walking in the park, and you wish your girl was there holding your hand with you. Or you could write about a dog you saw and how you want to have a pet dog with your girlfriend. You then send the pages or whole journal to your girlfriend every month or less if you use email. It gives them a chance to see how you think and act during the day. And it keeps your mind thinking about your girlfriend.
- The second thing is a photo book. Take some pictures of your daily routine. Use a disposable camera and mail it to them. Have them take some pictures. Then, develop the camera and share the pictures. Yes, it is slower than digital cameras, but it is fun to get mail, even if it costs a little money. Also, it will give you something to talk about longer, since it takes more time.
Those are just two ideas to keep your girl in your thoughts during the day. Oh, you should consider carrying around a photo of her, if you don’t already. It is a little thing that will give you some comfort.
As Michelle mentioned, make sure you are your own person as well. Too often do I see people that do not function without their girlfriend with them. These people stay in their rooms all day and sit on the internet chatting with their girl (or boy). That is not healthy, and eventually, it will become boring. Also women want a man that is more independent. I have read that most women do not like when a guy is so attached they do nothing else but think about them or how much they miss them all day. Humans are social creatures by nature, so you need to make sure you get to see your other friends every once and a while. It gives you some fun, it can take your mind off missing your girlfriend so much, and it also gives you some different perspectives on life. You say “the pain of missing the girl I love.” I hope you do not mean that you are actually experiencing a pain because you are not with her. Just follow my advice and Michelle’s, it will will help.
Frank
