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I want to know if he’s been faithful to me, without showing distrust

I always tell my LD bf how much I love him and he always says it back to me. But when I tell him I am faithful and I don’t want him making out with chicks and I definitely don’t want him having sex with anyone outside of our relationship, all he says is,”Yes, I know.” WTH? I take that he is doing stuff behind my back, and no, we haven’t agreed to an open relationship. He knows that isn’t what I want with him. How can I get the answer I want from him without him saying, “Oh, so you don’t trust me then?” When his silence and iffyness on the topic is causing my lack of trust.

Eva

Michelle says…

Hi, Melanie. It is very unsafe to jump to conclusions in long distance relationships. They only cause more trouble in the relationship. Worrying will get you nowhere. You need to know that he is being faithful to you. Never be afraid to communicate clearly in a relationship. What you need to do is ask him, “Have you been faithful to me during our relationship? I just want to feel reassured.” Try not to speak in an accusatory tone, it may cause him to be very upset and hurt if he has indeed been faithful to you. Just try to sound more casual about it.

If he tries to say that you don’t trust him f you’re asking him that question, just tell him you need to feel reassured about where you both stand in your relationship. Maybe mention you know someone who has cheated, or read an article in a magazine about cheating and it’s made you want to ask him about it. Tell him that you don’t want him to think that you don’t trust him; all you are looking for here is reassurance. Remember, that it’s not fair to distrust someone, who’s never broken your trust in the past.

Michelle

Frank says…

Melanie, as a guy, when the topic of cheating comes up, I know there are two reasons that guys answer like that. One, because they want to assure you that cheating is the farthest thing from their mind, so they act annoyed and brush it off as if to say “You don’t even have to bring it up, I know!” The other reason is because they have cheated, and they want to bypass the situation. I tend to believe that your boyfriend may be saying “Yes, I know” for the first reason. And then he isn’t saying to you “don’t YOU go having sex and kissing guys” because he is trying to show that he trusts you. I tell Michelle that I trust her and know she wouldn’t do anything. And there is not point to warn her to not do anything, because she knows that if she did (which she would never) the relationship would be over.

Without trust, you have trouble. So say to your boyfriend, “I don’t want to nag you, but I want to know that I can trust you. You know we don’t have an open relationship, and I would never do anything with anyone else. I trust you (name) and know that you wouldn’t do anything either. Right?” And he will respond with, “right” most likely. From there, you can say “I love you” and then let it go. He has agreed in a man (boy/guy)’s way and that is that in his mind. I am similar. When Michelle might want a long drawn answer and a profession of love, I sometimes just give her the one word answer because I feel the topic is unnecessary. Now, Melanie, if this is not good enough. Then just straight up tell him that you have nightmares, or troubled thoughts that he might cheat, and want constant reassurance that he isn’t cheating. Just know that it will most likely annoy him. Good luck with your boyfriend.

Frank

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