Dear Miss U,
I am abroad and my girlfriend is in my home country. I met her a few month ago before I came here. Our relation bloomed after I came abroad. We are in touch everyday either on phone or online. She is very straight forward and frank. We are very similar and share a lot of common things. She thinks almost like I think. Even our first name is same. Mine is Roshan and her name is Roshani. She is pretty moody and sometimes it is very hard for me to understand her. She told me frankly that she wasn’t that serious some months ago like she is now. She was in touch with her ex but after some discussions. She has changed herself a lot. She told me her Facebook password and she knows mine. Generally, we have a good relationship but sometimes I get pissed off. She tries hard to keep me happy and she changed herself a lot to keep me happy. She said she will wait for me no matter how long I would take but today she told me “I’m sorry but I can’t wait too long.” What does that means? And she keeps on repeating “everything depends on time, time changes people change and so does thinking” what does that means? Should I take it as a warning sign as I know she is frank. Does it mean she isn’t that serious? She can’t wait to have someone else who will be physically there for her? Or I am just thinking too much with negativity in my mind? Please help me. I wanna know because I’m too serious for her.
Please answer me back with best you can.
Thank you
Appreciated!
Dear Roshan,
I think it’s a wonderful thing you’ve found a partner who can be frank with you. Now, if you can get her to spell out her meaning clearly, you will have above average communication. It does sound like a warning, it almost sounds like she thinks that if you’re as serious as you say you’ll start taking steps to come home to her. Or perhaps she’s having difficulty handling the distance, and a visit will reassure her. All you can do is bluntly ask her what she means. Make it clear that you’re asking because you are serious about this relationship and if there’s a problem you want to fix it, not let it fester.
Dear Miss U,
Hey there, I really like this website, it’s very helpful. The thing in my relationship is that, we are having an arranged marriage and we’ve been engaged for a little over a month. I’m perfectly ok with this and so is he, but I want to make him fall for me, I want the make sure by the time when we finally do get married (which is in like 6months) we are head over heels in love with each other. We do love each other but that doesn’t seem enough lately. We are on the phone pretty much every day of the week but we have nothing to say to each other. We are usually just on the line saying nothing. We tell each other I love you but lately it seems more like a requirement to say then something we actually mean to each other. I do love him, and I know he loves me, but I feel like there is something big missing in this relationship. He thinks he knows me and I feel like he doesn’t, but he never puts in the effort to ask either, he just assumes. Then when we are on the phone, I know he likes to get a little personal, I’m very new at this (I’ve never been in a relationship before) but I’m willing to learn. I want to make him happy. But I just don’t know what to say to him. Any advice will do. What can I say that will get him more interested in me? I know he likes it when I talk about our wedding night but there only so much I can say on the subject. He just waits for me to say something but I don’t know. What can I say to him to keep his attention?
Thank u for your help and I look forward to your reply.
~ Ayesha
Dear Ayesha,
Congratulations on your engagement.
I think the thing that is missing from your conversations is the fun, and the truth is, if you make an effort to have fun together, your marriage will remain enjoyable. You have years to fully get to know each other, and in that time you’ll grow into yourselves more too.
The best advice I have for you is ask questions. Open ended ones. Phrase whatever you want to ask so that he can’t just give a yes or no answer, and cover as many topics you can think of, or download a book of questions if you’re uninspired.
Questions can get naughty too and will give him the intimate talk he desires, without you needing to step into the unknown realms of phone sex which you’re likely not ready for. Ask him about his secret fantasies, and be prepared to share some of yours. Think up some scenarios, beyond your wedding night, and ask him if he’d like to try it. Simple things to start with are questions like:
- “What kind of lingerie would you like to see me in?”
- “Would you ever be interested in having sex in the woods/in a pool/ on your best friend’s bed when he’s not home?” (Ok, I’m mostly joking with that last one!)
- “Would you like me to dance/striptease for you? Would you ever return the favor?”
- “What kind of things do you consider taboo?”
- “If you came home and found me strapped to a bed and blindfolded, what would you do to me?”
Hopefully, your questions develop into discussion and through that he will learn more about who you actually are.
I wish you many years of happiness together.
