Dear Miss U,
So my LDB and I have been dating for 6 months. He lives in Houston and I live Dallas, so it’s only like a 5 hour drive which isn’t that bad. We’re both 15 so we can’t drive yet. He’ll be able to drive in September. His mom drives him to Dallas every few months and my dad drives me to Houston. My dad said he’s tired of driving me to Houston and tired of “this long distance shit.” My mom can’t drive me because she’s a flight attendant and works on the weekends, and my parents won’t let me fly by myself. What should I do to insure my dad will still take me to go see my LDB? Thanks!
Mandy
Dear Mandy,
You can’t really blame him for being over it, most people at some stage get fed up with the travel involved in a long distance relationship, and in his case it isn’t even his relationship! So try to see it from his perspective.
While you can’t really insure he will continue to help you out, you can do as much as possible to make it worthwhile for him. Perhaps you could make him breakfast in bed on the days he drives you, you can do extra chores, make him something nice to show your appreciation or help him out in some way. Remember he is sacrificing his leisure time to help you out, so perhaps you can compensate him for that by giving him more leisure time on another day. Mow the lawn/shovel the snow for him and then bring him a beer.
Dear Miss U,
Truth is that we are not girlfriend/boyfriend. She lives in Mexico city and I just moved to Iowa 2 months ago. I’ve known her for over a year she had a boyfriend (almost 3 years with him) but we fell in love and after a series of events she chose me, and well we ended up seeing each other almost every day for 4 months or more. It was like we were a couple, but I never asked her to be my girlfriend (even if we acted as a couple).
The reason why I never asked her to be my girlfriend and also never said “I Love you” (until my last week with her. She also said it back) was because we both knew that I was going away for college. I just didn’t want her to stay attached to someone like me, who was never going to be there.
Last thing she said to me was: “I love you, I love you so much, and I will wait for you ´til kingdom comes” (quoting the Coldplay song “our song”).
So it’s been two months, and yes I do talk to her on the phone every week or two and I text her too, but we don’t have instant messaging like we used to have in Mexico. She is studying Architecture, so I know she is busy. Sometimes she takes a week to text back (shitty Mexican phone companies, plans are too expensive).
The thing is I’m going back for a 2 month vacation before I start college on August.
I’m going to see how things are and maybe I’ll ask her to be my girlfriend but… I really wish we could communicate more if so. But what if I don’t ask her and just let her be free? I really don’t know what to do… Any Advice?
Oscar
Dear Oscar,
The thing with love is that you can’t control it. If your heart wants this, then you’re a slave. And if she wants you just as much as you want her then the labels you put on yourselves and this relationship won’t make a difference in the long run.
There are pros and cons to being officially together however. The pros would include things such as greater security in the relationship – it’s a good feeling to know you’re both on the same page and committed to making the relationship work. It also helps that she will know how you feel, and won’t make herself available to other suitors. If she isn’t committed to you, she’s open to commit herself to someone else. Being in a defined relationship can feel wonderful, and allows you to open up to each other on a much deeper level.
Unfortunately there can be drawbacks as well. Some people feel a great deal of pressure once they are officially in a relationship because there is a responsibility to look after the other person, meet their needs and keep the relationship going. Really, as long as you are both happy and fulfilled, that’s all that matters – there are no rules for how often you need to have contact or how you should act towards each other – but never the less this pressure can become too much for some people, especially in a long distance relationship as they may not know what tools are at their disposal to aid them.
You mentioned desiring better communication if you do commit to each other; have you considered writing to each other? Old fashioned snail mail? Writing to each other every day can give you the illusion of having spoken, even though the exchange of information is somewhat delayed. It also gives you the ability to “talk” to each other away from technology.
A relationship where you are not constantly talking and going on dates could really fit into both your schedules seeming she is so busy with study.
My advice is this: It is better to regret something you have done than something you have not. This is your life, you are living it every day, so grab every happiness you can along the way. Don’t give yourself opportunities to ask “What if I had of…”
Go for it. Ask her, and then figure out the rest together.
