Closure & Validation

Dear Patricia,

I’m all for fighting for love, but I’m also gung-ho on respecting other people’s decisions too. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can say, whatever you decide, do it safely and be upfront about it.

The tickets are already booked, so it’s hard for me to say “just throw them away.” Perhaps ask him to meet you for coffee, just for closure. Don’t just show up on his doorstep; as romantic as that might seem, it’s crossing a pretty big line.

If you go, make sure you’re ready to make the most of the trip without him. Plan something to look forward to, besides meeting.

I would go. But then, I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life, too. Listen to your intuition, and do whatever you believe you’ll regret the least going forward.

Dear Yasam,

There is literally nothing I can think of that I could do for eight hours a day, every day, for five months straight, and not get burned out from. Yep, sometimes you are going to run out of words, especially if you spend your time together doing nothing but talking. The good news is there are lots of things you can do to get that enthusiasm back and keep enjoying the butt-load of free time you’re experiencing together!

For starters, pick up a questions for couples book. You’ll find conversation topics in there you never dreamed of. Secondly, keep up to date on what's happening in the world. Looking outward from yourselves will not only improve you as people but it will give you plenty of conversation fodder.

Reading, together or separately, is also a personal favorite of mine.

I’m sure during your countless hours on the phone together you’ve talked about hobbies, well now’s a good time to find one to share. Do things together!

Great relationships have great communication, it’s true, but you need to be able to enjoy the silence together as well. To sit and be companionable without the need to constantly natter. It’s okay to be “in the same room” (metaphorically) and not be talking. If you have any strong long term couples in your life that you can look up to, observe them. You’ll find they are often together but not talking. We watch TV, clean the house, focus on pets or kids, work from home, invest time in our own hobbies and so much more, all with our spouses present. Running your communication program of choice while doing your own thing is more or less the same as living with a person. They’re there, you can speak to them if something pops into your mind, but you’re doing your own things.

Don’t let this get you down. It’s okay to have quiet periods, or even to take some of that time and invest it in other people occasionally. You can get too much of a good thing, after all.

Lastly, couples (particularly long distance couples from before the era of modern technology,) have been able to survive weeks, sometimes months, of non-real-time communication. Talking less isn't a sign your relationship is fading away unless you have a bunch of other red flags too. Don't let this get to you so much.