Dear Miss U,
We’re newly engaged, he’s in the military and I’m stuck half way across the US working for Mc Donalds. We’re struggling to pick a wedding date that will work for everyone, but that could be quite some time out to get EVERYONE on board with it. We just want to get married, and soon enough, we’ll be financially comfortable enough to get married and live together.
The real question is: How do we tell people that as much as we love them, we want to get our wedding done so that we can end the distance and finally begin our lives together?
-Sincerely,
The Crazy Cashier
Good morning, or whatever time of day you’re experiencing.
You don’t have to tell them anything. Your wedding is about you. Your family and friends probably realize this. You likely have quite a few people you want to invite to your wedding. The more people you invite, the harder it becomes to find a date and time that suits everyone. Have you ever tried to get five of your closest mates to meet you for coffee? See how much hassle that is, how often plans change last minute, how often someone has to cancel? And that’s just coffee, not a day that changes your life!
Find a day that suits both you and your fiancé and let everybody else worry about how they’ll get there/get time off/whatever. It’s polite to give at least six weeks’ notice if all your guests are local, a little longer if they have to travel from out of state, and at least six months if they will need to travel internationally. Give them enough time to plan around you – but don’t plan your wedding around them.
Wishing you the best of happily ever after
Dear Miss U,
Basically, my problem is this: throughout the first 14 months or so of my relationship with my girlfriend, things were incredible. I’ve never met someone I’ve been more compatible with and never been happier. Then, we both went to college (me: Atlanta, her: PA) and everything went badly. She got adjusted quicker than me, and I was jealous of the amount of friends she had, when in high school, we both pretty much sacrificed our friendships for each other. While I had no friends, I had to endure the Facebook pictures and posts from all of her friends, which made my situation feel infinitely worse. The jealousy I have has put a constant stress on my life, and furthermore on our relationship as well. I’m at a loss, and want this to work out so badly but don’t know what I should do anymore. What advice do you have for college students?
~ College Problems
Howdy Problems,
Sometimes it’s hard to be happy for people rather than jealous, but you do have to strive towards that. It is healthy, both for her and your relationship, for her to have friends and to socialize. But there needs to be a balance too. You can’t ask for all her free time to be spent on Skype with you – but you can ask for more time if you aren’t getting enough. If you talk once a week and feel like you have a pen pal the rest of the time, tell her that and ask for more – but if she’s dividing her free time more or less evenly, then you just need to find more to keep yourself occupied.
Get out of your room and go make photos of your own for Facebook. Join clubs, find people on meetup.com, study with a group of others, or pick up a part-time job just for the social aspect of it. Until you’re making the most of your life, you won’t be able to stop resenting her for living hers.
When you’re looking through her photos check your thoughts and banish the negative ones. Think to yourself “She’s so pretty when she smiles like that” or “I’m so happy she’s having a great time”. Correct yourself if you start getting jealous or angry. Then get off Facebook and go study, because more than socializing, that is what you’re in college for.
Head down, bum up!
