Miss You Issues: Continuing On - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

Over the summer, a girl in which I developed feelings towards moved away. Despite a long absence of seeing her, my love for her still prevailed. Unknown by me until recently, however, this same person has the same feelings towards me, and has kept them ever since her move. Also, I do find it relevant to add that this person might move back here in a couple of years.

Given this information, what would you do? Would you recommend us starting a long-distance relationship, given our circumstances (and young age)? If so, how should I ask her? Thank you for your answer, in advance. =)
Colton

Dear Colton,

I would ask her out. Why not? It could be fun and it’s an opportunity for learning and self-development on top of the perks of being in a relationship. Check your motives, and if you genuinely want to make her happy and you enjoy each other’s company then take it as a green light.

How you should ask her depends largely on your personality and hers. What does she like? What do you like? Are you artsy? Could you make something cute, like a digital card? Or are you more inclined to invent a funny song and leave it on her voice mail? Perhaps you have a mutual interest you could take advantage of. Just be yourself, don’t be afraid to be corny, and have fun.

Life is about having experiences, go live some!

Dear Miss U,

I’m staying in Singapore, my bf is in LA studying. Before we started dating we agreed that we were gonna commit and take this relationship seriously. We then went out for 1 year. After that he left for the states and we have been in this LDR for 6 months now. A few weeks back he told me that he is not sure if he wants to settle down anymore.. He’s studying at the Musician’s Institute in LA and said that he wants to see where his career would take him. He wants to go on tours performing and he thinks settling down will prevent him from doing so. I don’t want to end it so soon, at the same time I don’t want to be waiting for nothing. Please advise me on what do u think I should do.

Emo Girl

Dear Emo Girl,

It all depends on your goals in life, your wants and needs. What kind of life companion are you after? Does the idea of a partner who is away for long stretches of time excite you or fill you with dread? What kind of career do you want for yourself? Is it a career that requires stability and benefits from seniority or would you be free to work as you travel along with him? What about children? Do you want them? How do you feel about raising them largely alone? Do you want to settle down yourself or are you happy to be wild and free by his side? Is he inviting you to share his adventures, or does he see you as baggage that is tying him down? These are the questions you need to mull over.

Personally it sounds to me like you’re a lot more invested in this relationship right now than he is. He is willing to risk what he has with you for his potential career. I’m not saying that’s good or bad, I’m just telling it how I see it.

You need to do what is best for you. If, while you are putting yourself first, you are still able and willing to give him what he needs then by all means continue on with this relationship, but if it is going to be all give on your part then say goodbye and open up the space for someone who wants to enrich your life not just their own.

Dear Miss U,

I met my boyfriend last December. He lives in Paris and I leave in Athens. We spent a month together in the summer, we had greatest time of our lives. By the day he left I have breakdowns. I can’t make it alone. He helped me change whatever harmed me in my environment, so after he left I just have this huge gap. We fight every week, we ‘break up-get back’ all the time. I feel so bad, like crying every day. Our first anniversary is at Xmas and I won’t see him, we have to wait for summer 2016. And this is horrible. I so miss him. We both have uni and we can’t get to a house for next two years. We both wanted this to be forever, but I can’t keep myself away. I run away to protect myself, every once in a while, act irrationally, he just always understands, but by no means do I want to hurt him, because of my stupid reactions. To be honest, sometimes he acts careless- he says because he’s tired -and I have thought maybe he is cheating on me, but I just don’t want to think of this because all the other moments he’s just the best… I don’t want to be irrational, impatient, immature AND jealous, therefore I erase this from my mind for now. I don’t know what to do, help!

Ari

Dear Ari,

You are going to destroy this relationship and every relationship you have afterwards if you can not get a hold of yourself. I think your first stop should be your GP to make sure there isn’t an underlying heath condition or clinical depression weighing you down, and once that’s sorted you need to work on a bit of mental discipline. Meditation would be great but if you simply can’t calm your mind then start with yoga, it is basically dynamic meditation. This will teach you to focus, to control your thoughts, to live in the moment as well as give you the tools to calm yourself down.

You boyfriend is human like the rest of us. We all have bad days. We all get tired and fed up. Sometimes we are distracted. Sometimes we don’t really want to talk to anyone, we don’t want to try. We don’t want to think. And other days we are our best selves and we give our all into everything we do. Having a bad day here or there doesn’t make him a cheat so trust him until he gives you a real reason not to.

And stop playing games. If you want to be taken seriously, and you want a relationship to go somewhere… if you want to show him you are trustworthy and that he can open up and be vulnerable with you, stop the breaking up and getting back together crap. Just don’t. You’re either in and committed or you’re out and you need to move on. That’s it. You only weaken what you have together by playing this game. It’s not romantic, no matter what the media would have you believe, so leave the drama for the big screen and focus instead on calmly working through your issues, talking it out and making compromises.

Lastly, you need to be complete in yourself. Don’t wait for another person to complete you. Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. Figure out what you want, and look into some professional or adult help on how to achieve it. A mentor would do you the world of good right now; find someone you trust.