Dear Miss U,
My partner and I both want to move in together since we have both had our fair shares of long distance relationships.
He is trying to find a job here with no luck (he hates his job). I might have found one for myself in his town, and his family is way more supportive than mine.
I am going to a tour around that prospective job in his town but I am dreading it. My current bosses are so nice to me. They even got my partner an interview here. My biggest concern is they just finished training me, but my job is an entry level machine operator (no college required), and the hours are a daylight-siphoning M-F 11am to 8pm.
Should I take my chance with the new job over my friendly bosses? Am I just being overly-compliant for worrying about the employer cost of my job training over my relationship?
Sheepish
Dear Sheepish,
Personally I’d wait a while. This kind of thing could come back to bite you later, so I would recommend sticking with the job for at least a year. I know that sounds grueling, but your relationship is still quite young – too young in my opinion to throw this job away for – especially when your partner has a job they want to get rid of.
If you do decide to go ahead and close the distance, don’t leave this job for a maybe. Only move if you have secured a job in his town and know your start date.
Not being an arsehole to the people who have trained you doesn’t make you overly-compliant, it makes you a decent human and a better employee.
Dear Miss U,
I am angry and want to hurt my SO by cheating on him. I know I should never do it, but I am very frustrated and don’t know how to handle all the negative emotions in me. During the 1 year period we’ve been dating, my SO focused so much on his work that he seldom has time for me. We text a few messages a day, his being one or two worded answers. And he would just read my longer texts without answering because that would take time, sometimes I feel like writing monologues. I don’t know if this will change and when we can close the distance because it depends on his career. He is at his prime and is living his dream. I understand this and have been supportive, but I cannot suppress my emotional needs. I guess the last straw is when he gets sick this weekend and won’t be able to talk to me after 5 weeks of no Skype. I know it is not his fault but it is so frustrating. I am very sad, lonely and upset. I’ve been thinking I deserve more than this, but it was so hard to leave seeing him cry. This time I not only want to leave but also to hurt him really bad for neglecting me so. I do know it is very mean and childish and I will only end up hurting myself, but I am really really angry. I will appreciate if you reply and help me handle the negative emotions, but I will understand if you don’t. Thank you for being here for the LDR people, sometimes we just need someone who is understanding to talk to.
Girl with a broken heart.
Dear Girl,
I think you need to just break up with this guy. That will hurt him plenty, and if he doesn’t value you enough to make time for you that is where this relationship is headed anyway. You obviously need (and deserve) more from a relationship than this. Find someone who treats you well and meets your needs. Over time the pain and anger from this relationship will pass. Better that he understands he lost you because of his inattention (and hopefully learns his lesson and treats his next partner better) than for him to lay the blame at your feet and say that the relationship failed because you were unfaithful.
Break up with him. Buy condoms. Go have fun.
In that order.
Dear Miss U,
Hello, My names Tricia. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months. we met on tumblr and after talking for 3 months I travelled from US(where I live) to London ( where he lives) to meet him. We hit it off great! I met his family and friends. He showed me around and when he was at work I visited colleges. My question is for since him and I are becoming serious as each month past he asked me to move in with him. His career is starting off and he thought it would be good since I am applying to college. My problem is I am so close to my small family and I don’t know what to do…. please help.
Tricia
Dear Tricia,
Moving now doesn’t mean moving forever. If you can afford to study abroad, that would be an amazing opportunity for you, and having traveled can give you an edge finding work when you move home.
What you need to do is talk to him, let him know you are willing to move to him for a set period of time and then treat that period as a trial run. See if living together works for you. Find out if this relationship is going to last or not. Living together will help you know if he is your forever person, and can help you get a permanent visa when the time comes too. And it will give you knowledge about how your family members manage their relationships with you at a distance.
Let him know how painful separation from your family is going to be for you, and ask him to help you with that. Talk about the kind of support you think you might need, and possibly budget in some visits back home too.
There’s no reason you can’t give this your best try, knowing that it might not work.
Perhaps once you are done studying and he has more experience in his field you can both live together in the US for a while before deciding together where to settle down. A few years of living in each other’s worlds and having experience as a couple will help you decide which country offers you the best opportunities and support.
Sincerely,
Miss U.
