Miss You Issues: Do You Think You're Too Busy for Love?

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. We were so sweet at the beginning, both of us. But since the day he texted that he would be busy because of his project and final exam, we haven’t communicated anymore. Actually, I have no problem with this, although I had cried a lot. But I’m still so sad sometimes. What should I do?
Emma

Dear Emma,

You say, “We haven’t communicated.” Does that mean you’re not attempting to communicate? OR does it mean he’s ignoring your messages? Because if it’s the first option, that’s really silly. He didn’t say there’d be no contact, he just asked for understanding that he’ll be busy. That indicates to me less contact, not none at all.

If it’s the latter, and he’s simply ignoring you, or in the original conversation he stated he’s just opting out of this relationship for the foreseeable future, well the thing you should do is dump his sorry arse, because you can do way better.

When I’m working on my newest book I don’t say to Mr. E, “Oh, I can’t be married right now, I am busy getting this first draft down. Don’t call me, and don’t expect me to make dinner either.” No, that’s not how it works. You can’t just opt out of a relationship because you have other things going on! We all have other things we need to focus on, that’s why work/life balance is a thing!

If he can’t study while having a girlfriend, how is he going to handle getting promoted at work while also being a father? How will he support you and your dreams while also chasing his own? I totally understand if sometimes one or both partners can’t talk for hours a night, or can’t sleep on Skype, or they have to take a break from mutually run blogs or whatever, but he can’t just opt out of the relationship entirely because loving you is inconvenient right now.

If it’s the former, and you’ve just been afraid to contact him because he’s busy or you’re playing some game because you’re offended, that’s not cool. That’s really juvenile, and you need to stop it. Just call him, tell him there was a misunderstanding if you need to, and get things back on track.

There does come a time in relationships where being practical teammates overrides the sweetness, but that has a satisfaction all of its own, so don’t let change scare you, and don’t be afraid to ask for more time again once his busy period is over.

All the best,

Dear Miss U, …But the thing I am having trouble with is the fact that I feel resentful for the fact that he loves it there and he’s super integrated and he enjoys life and has all these friends and he’s changing and he’s going to Hawaii and Disney with his friends and he’s living it up and becoming fully engrained into his new life, while I’m here miserable and incomplete and I have bad anxiety and I can’t enjoy myself when I go out with friends and do things. I thought he was going to move and keep up our relationship. I wasn’t expecting him to start a new life and be thriving there; is that not a fair way to think about things? It killed the relationship for me… [read more: What to Do When You Feel Abandoned]
Dear Miss U , I have been dating my boyfriend Francis long distance a few months now. He lives in New York and I’m in Florida and we met through a religious dating site. We seem to be a good match and have the same goals in life, however lately I feel like our convos are too short and we don’t have enough lengthy talks like most couples need while dating. We both have different schedules; he’s a busy man but I’m scared that we not talking enough and one day he will get bored and leave me. Any advice? [read more: He’ll Get Bored and Leave]

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.