Miss You Issues: Early Days - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

So I’ve been in a LDR with my boyfriend of 5 months and it has been going pretty well. This is my first ever relationship so I’m really nervous about getting overly excited and scaring him away, especially since about a month into our relationship he told me he loved me, and I said I loved him too. I couldn’t have been happier. Then about a week or so went by without him saying those three little words again and I asked him if he really meant it (he was drunk when he said it). He told me it scared him because it meant a lot and I get that. I told him it was okay, and I’d wait for him to feel the same. Now it’s been 4 months and he still hasn’t said it. In this entire time we’ve dated he has only Skyped me twice, and called me a hand full of times, because he is so busy with work, and school. He texts every day, but I would rather hear his voice. He calls me “love” and says that he cares for me deeply, but still not those three little words. I still love him and I haven’t said it since then because I don’t want him to say it just because I say it. He is coming up to visit me soon, and I’m hoping that he will say it while he’s here, or that I will get up the courage to say it finally cause we’re in person. I’m hoping that he does actually love me and that he’s just too afraid to say those words. I guess I’m just asking if you think I’m being ridiculous about anything I said or if any of my thoughts may be true.

Sincerely,
Unsure and Confused.

Dear Unsure and Confused,

Love makes us all ridiculous from time to time, and that’s ok. You might feel like you’re going a little crazy right now, wondering how he feels, trying to interpret the signs… but one day you’re going to look back at this period in your life and long for it because it really is kind of magical. That rush where every word and deed has its own kind of weight. It’s beautiful. My advice is to wallow in it. Savour it; don’t hurry it along.

If you enjoy the connection you have and nurture it, your question will eventually answer itself. These things come to a head naturally, like a pimple. Or a volcano. Whatever analogy you prefer. What I can tell you is this: anything built carefully on a secure foundation will outlast something passionately thrown together in a hurry.

Dear Miss U,

I just found this website and I absolutely adore it, first of all. I’ve been having trouble coping with this whole “LDR” thing, and this website helps me a lot.

My best friend lives about 3 hours away from me, but that’s just enough to not be able to see him ever. Due to me still being in high school, and the fact that I can’t drive yet, we barely get to see each other.

I find myself feeling depressed about this often, and I don’t want to have to burden my best friend with my sad complaining about these things.

How exactly would I go about coping in a healthy way with this? I can’t see him often, and text/Skype him as much as I can, but things are still hard.

Thanks!
Dave

Hi Dave,

I know it’s easier said than done, but acceptance is the key to your freedom. Once you accept and even embrace the distance you can go on to making your LDR the most awesome LDR ever. It might be a long process because you have to train yourself to think positively, but it is a skill that will aid you in other areas of your life too. Every time you start thinking a sad, self-pitying thought stop yourself and counter it with a positive thought about how blessed you are.

Beyond that, stay busy and remember to do things together at a distance to keep it fun rather than just talking.

I wish you the best of luck

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend’s name is Devin Gordon and if you look him up you will find that he is YouTube famous. Everything was going fine until he started showing me pictures and I asked to video chat him and call him. He told me that his phone is off and he can’t video chat me because he doesn’t want to delete anything off of his phone. He told me that he will come see me but he won’t video chat me. I’m confused because I feel like he is a catfish and fake but when I ask him he says no but he doesn’t show anything except pictures to prove that. What do I do?

Danaye

Dear Danaye,

It’s still very early days in your relationship and I feel like you can’t expect a whole lot right off the bat but with that said we all have intuition for a reason. If something feels sketchy it probably is. Listen to that feeling and if you continue talking to this guy make sure you are doing so safely.

On the topic of safety, never meet someone in person from online who you haven’t video called with and when you do meet him, do so in a safe public place either with a chaperone or having pre-arranged that someone will call you periodically to check on you.

For now give it time. If he never gets to the point that his desire to video chat with you outweighs his disinclination to clear some room on his device then you know that this guy isn’t worth your time, no matter how famous he thinks he is.