Miss You Issues: Every Day Counts - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend lives in India and I’m from Slovenia. So when we started dating I asked him if we could Facetime so my parents could meet him. And he refused. He said he isn’t a family person. What can I do about it? And how can I tell my parents that we are dating? I know they won’t approve but I love him so freaking much!

Thank you for your answer
sLOVEnia

Dear sLOVEnia,

Obviously not meeting your parents is a deal breaker, and with the age difference a huge delay in him doing so will reflect poorly on him and the relationship. I would tell him point blank: There will be no relationship unless it’s an honest, proud, and above-board relationship.

As for your parents, I would tell them “I’ve just started seeing this guy, and I’d really like you to meet him because your opinion and support matter to me.” Then just answer their questions and let the conversation naturally unfold.

Hopefully, the fact it’s a long distance relationship, which will naturally progress slowly and be based off personality and emotion rather than physical attraction and desire, will help them be comfortable with this new stage in your life.

Wishing you all the best xx

Dear Miss U,

So I spent the last year in Portugal to study, where I met my current boyfriend. We’ve been together for a bit more than a year now. I went back to my hometown in Germany about half a year ago and we’ve seen each other twice since then. He spent the summer here and I visited him for a week in October.

Between those times, it was each 2 months of not seeing each other, and it drove me absolutely crazy. It upset and hurt me so much that I even considered breaking up. But then when we saw each other it was absolutely perfect and I had the best time imaginable.

Some time ago, he told me that won’t be able to visit me during Christmas holidays and it absolutely shattered me. I don’t know what to do!! On one hand, I can’t handle being without him for so long. I know other people have it worse but I’m not the most mentally stable person out there with a history of major depression and I know it’s going to get me down again.

On the other hand, I absolutely love him like I’ve never thought it’d be possible to love anyone, he’s my best friend and the person I tell everything to. In that short year, we’ve been through a lot together and I really don’t want to lose him but this whole thing just brings me so much sadness and it’s tearing me apart.

I really don’t know how to tell if it’s still worth it or how to manage surpassing the time without him.

It would be great if you could give me some advice,
Thanks a lot, yours,
Penelope

Hello Penelope,

The thing you have to ask yourself is: What’s worse – missing him for months at a time but having him in your life, or wondering for the rest of your life what might have been if you’d seen this romance out to its natural conclusion? Will the regret of letting him go destroy your mental stability in the same way as continuing on as you are?

It’s important for all long distance relationships, but especially important for those of us with mental health problems, to make each day of the relationship count – not just the days spent together. You need to put the effort in to having a fantastic, enjoyable, LDR. You need to come home to your safe person, even if “home” is an emotional place somewhere in cyberland.

For me, role-play was the key to achieving that. We didn’t talk about the fact that we weren’t physically together unless it was a positive conversation planning a visit. If we were both online, we considered ourselves in the same room. We ate meals together and went to bed together (yes, even with a 7 hour time difference. I’d nap with him until he fell asleep, then get up and have dinner, or he’d stay up until the early hours of the morning and go to bed when I did.) We made sure our language reflected our togetherness, rather than focused on the ocean between us.

We did things together. Often that was study; we’d log on, then pull out our textbooks, only talking during breaks or if we thought of something that couldn’t wait. We spent a lot of time in companionable silence. When we weren’t swamped with work we’d do fun stuff together. He’d read to me, we’d play games, or write a story together.

If you’re going to succeed – if it’s going to feel worth it – you need to be able to focus on the blessing of having each other, rather than the obstacles between you. Stop trying to pass the time, and realise you’re in this relationship already.

Today can be awesome, if you let it.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author

Miss U

Miriam Cumming is a writer, witch, and LDR survivor with more than a decade of trans-Pacific experience. She’s currently living in paradise with her one true love and their three little gentlewomen where she indulges in coffee, tattoos, and World of Warcraft. You can learn more about her writing and LDR success from her blog The Wicce Writes.