Friendship Advice

Dear Unsupported,

What exactly do you see in this friend? I want you to take a moment and think, selfishly, what do you get out of this relationship and how has it survived so long?

Personally, I hate the “LDRs never work,” thing because it’s simply not true. It’s not even close to being true. And with a tiny bit of research they could educate themselves and find out just how wrong they are. Furthermore, I am living proof that LDRs can and do succeed. I didn’t date just out of my state, I dated out of my country. Yes, it was hard while it lasted, and ridiculously expensive with visas and flights, but do you know what I did today? I took two of my three beautiful children and my father in law on a tour of the Sydney Opera House, and afterward we sat there having a beer, looking out over the city, and talking about how amazing life turned out to be.

None of it would have been possible if I was still dating a degenerate from my home town!

Overall, sometimes you need to look at a person (even a mate) and ask yourself how much their opinion is really worth, because generally speaking other people’s opinions of us are none of our business, and we don’t need to bother ourselves with that noise.

As you’ve said, their relationship isn’t healthy, and their joint company isn’t particularly enjoyable. They don’t know what they are talking about and they don’t represent anything that you want or need in your life, so who gives a rat’s ass what they think?

Being happy in yourself, your choices and your relationship will set you free, and hey, so might cutting some of the dead wood out of your life. If you feel anxious before hanging out with her, or leave most engagements with her feeling hurt or unheard, she’s already not your friend - You'll just be making it official. I would be asking myself if I even want to bother going to the wedding, because to me when you attend a wedding you’re giving your non-verbal (and often financial) support to the couple. You’re effectively saying “you’re great together and I wish you every happiness.” If that’s not true, don’t waste those precious hours of your life, or the money on an outfit. Save those things for furthering your own relationship and nourishing the friendships who do support you.

Overall, I hope you don’t feel like the whole world is against your LDR from this one bad experience. Most people have figured out that long distance is common, generally as safe as near-proximity dating, and none of their damn business if they aren’t in it anyway, so don’t let this chic get you down.

One day you will be sitting in front of your monument of choice, with your visiting in-laws and children (or dog of choice), sipping your drink of choice and thinking about how wonderfully blessed you are that in such a big country you and your boyfriend managed to find each other. On that day naysayers like this “friend” are just going to be funny stories about people you once knew, if not entirely forgotten.