My girl and I are from the same country but I'm in Europe as an asylum seeker given the current problems in my home country. She's still there though. I don't know when I'll be able to go back home to be with her and for some reasons she can't join me where I'm at. Am I doing right by her asking her to wait for me for an unknown number of years? I love her and I know she loves me too which should normally make things easy but it doesn't, unfortunately. I don't wanna let her go but by not doing that I'm I holding her life "hostage"?
Pavarotti
Hello Pavarotti,
I’m sorry for your troubles and pray for safety for both of you.
An important thing to recognize here is your girlfriend has agency. She has choice. You only have the power to hold her life hostage if you are not recognizing and honoring her individuality. Encouraging it even. Relationships are a joint choice. A consensus.
You don’t have to ask her to wait, her heart will do that, but if you need to ask, I don’t see any harm in it. All you are really doing is asking for reassurance. We all need that verbal comfort of knowing we aren’t alone and won’t be abandoned.
While you wait, know that your relationship is not on “pause”. You still need to be active within it and fulfill as many roles as her partner as you can. You need to be involved in each other’s lives and plan for a future together. Ask her to wait, but make sure she isn’t waiting alone.
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