Miss You Issues: In All Seriousness - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

I’m in my first ever relationship which happens to be a LDR. I live in CA and him in CT. I don’t mind the distance because I really do love him and trust him and so does he. It’s almost going to be 1 year and we’ve never met before in real life. Everyone keeps telling us were wasting our time w/ the LDR but are we really? Like if it wasn’t meant to be it wouldn’t have lasted this long. Despite our age everyone thinks were taking things too serious and people make fun of it and tell us it won’t last long. With that being said it makes us really sad thinking it’ll take a while for us to meet. He tells me every now and then that he wants to marry me and he wants us to be together for the rest of lives. I’d like nothing else then to be with him. But the thing is are we really thinking too soon about our future or not? I mean it never hurts to dream but is it too much and most of all by the fact that we’ve never met in real life?

Puzzled teenage girl

Dear PTG,

I have to tell you something: This IS real life. He is real. You are real. This isn’t a game. It isn’t another reality or a fantasy you live in when you’re home alone on the internet. You are real people in a real relationship living your very real lives.

Personally I can’t see why a LDR would be more of a waste of time than any other relationship. Even if you don’t live happily ever after, you are still learning things, gaining experience and enjoying your life. You are enriching and encouraging each other. You are loving and supporting in a world filled with hateful people who try to tear each other down. That doesn’t seem like a waste to me at all.

With that said, chances are it’s going to be a while before you’re physically in the same place. There’s no reason to feel sad about that and honestly letting negativity in only bogs the relationship down anyway; better to just accept it like some kind of noble challenge. It’s perfectly fine to take your relationships seriously. I don’t know why anyone wold criticize that. The fact is, none of us know for sure that our relationships will stand the test of time, but we have a better chance of success if we comport ourselves as though we do. As long as you are acting like your relationship is somehow superior, than it isn’t anyone’s business how invested you two are.

Planning for the future is great. Staying on the same page and making life decisions that will bring you closer together and compliment your relationship goals is important. But it is also important not to be so focused on the destination that you don’t enjoy the journey. Today matters. Live today. Make your relationship great every day, don’t wait for when you are together. This is real life, so live it with all the realness and seriousness you feel it deserves.

Plan as though you’ll live forever, Live as if you’ll die today.

Dear Miss U,

I have a bf who was once my best friend. He had some bad experiences with his ex gf and I helped him at that time. After we came in a relationship, I came to know that he didn’t have feelings for me. I had once texted him from an unknown number pretending to be another girl (consider that to be x). There he continuously flirted with x, accepted her proposal, and revealed to her that he is not committed to me. He broke up with me after accepting her proposal but didn’t tell me the reason. At last he came to know that x was none other than me and he was really sorry. A month passed and we were just friends. After that we again came in a relationship. We used to chat every day. But since we now need to join colleges so we can’t meet each other. Moreover, he doesn’t like texting every day. He said that’s not possible for him after he joins colleges. We don’t chat now even if we are online. He texts me only when he needs help. Should I be in a long distance relationship with him? I have trust issues with him after that incident so I am confused. His friends say that he loves me but I don’t feel it. Please help.

Anna in troublesome love

Dear Anna,

For the life of me I can’t figure out why you are still chasing this guy. He’s just not that into you. Block his sorry deceitful user ass, and free yourself from this one-sided relationship. People who are into you make time for you; not excuses. This isn’t what a healthy happy relationship feels like, and I think you know it. One day you’ll look back and you’ll say “Thank you Anna for not wasting any more time on him!” In the meantime I recommend junk food and angry break-up music.

Some words of encouragement for one of our readers:

I really just wanted to offer encouragement to all of those living an LDR. We met online in 2002, we became friends, we fell in love, we officially physically met in 2007 and started dating shortly afterward, we got married in 2011 but remained LDR, we each have kids from previous marriages and custody agreements made relocating difficult. We’ve had our ups and downs, we almost ended things a few times. Everyone thought we were crazy! But finally in 2016 just in time to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary, I packed up all of my belongings and drove 3,300 miles to finally close the gap. It wasn’t easy and we knew it wouldn’t be, but we knew it would be worth it! And because of that we managed to live 3000 miles apart for over 8 years. If you’re in love don’t ever give up. If you can’t imagine a day without them, don’t ever stop fighting for each other. If you found THE ONE then hold on and don’t ever let go!!

– Bill, 41.

Thank you for writing in.

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