Dear Miss U,
My girlfriend and I met about two years ago over Facebook, we’ve been on and off since then but the thing is, we never met. We Skype every day, talk on the phone every night, send each other gifts and other sentimental items in the mail, and do whatever we can to keep our relationship alive. We get a lot of hateful comments from people such as, “What ‘relationship?’ you’re dating online? Get a life.” We don’t consider our relationship to be an online thing. Yes, that’s where we met. But that’s not where it revolves. Phone calls, texts, letters, anything other than having to rely on the internet. All I’m asking is, am I the only one being in this situation? Meaning, never meeting the person I love unconditionally but never meeting them personally a single day in my life? We have complete trust and faith in each other that once we’re able to finally be together; our relationship will be 10x better. We are aware of the pros and cons, but we’re willing to dive in together to see where else our journey takes us. A little reassurance would be totally appreciated.
Vanessa
You’re not alone Vanessa! Plenty of people meet online at a distance and start a relationship well before they can meet in person and lots of those relationships work out in the end.
People classify your relationship as an online relationship mostly out of simplicity – You met online, and have not yet had your first meet in person. That’s all it is, and there’s nothing wrong with having an online relationship or relying on the internet as your main source of contact. Many people on this site are in international relationships (there’s another classification!) and have no choice but to rely almost entirely on the internet to stay in touch. There’s no shame in that – and to go out of your way to deny being in an online relationship only contributes to the stigma surrounding the issue.
Your first meeting will likely be a make-or-break deal. It’s hard (if not impossible) to know 100% that you are compatible with someone without having spent time in their presence (often, quite a lot of time). I urge you to have a first meet before you close the distance. I also must point out that closing the distance does not solve all your problems unless the distance is your only problem. You will both still face many challenges. But then so will Joe and Bob who started dating over a pint at the pub!
Hopefully other people in situations like yours will comment and add their support at the bottom of this article. Also do check out the forums, they are a gold mine of support and friendship.
Best of luck on your journey!
Dear Miss U,
This is both of our first long distance relationship, and it’s incredibly difficult, but both of us are making it work. Skype is definitely a huge factor. I love this girl, and this is all new for me so my questions are:
- How do you be consistent in showing your affection if we’re both so far away?
- How do we make up for lost time when we are so far and in-between seeing each other?
- Whats the best way to celebrate special days (birthdays, etc) if you can’t physically see each other?
I’m sure you have been asked this 100 times, but I’m new to your site. Also, those bracelets are definitely in my next package to her
Thank you!
Lonely Lover from Vegas
Hello Lonely Lover,
Good on you for getting in at the start of your relationship and figuring out how to make it the best it can be. First I’d like to let you know that I’m not the owner/administrator for this website, I’m just Miss U the journalist, so I can’t take credit for the awesome that is LFAD. The bracelets are a great gift though, especially if you’re wearing one too (I always love knowing Mr. E is wearing something to tell the world he’s mine!)
I personally find it easier to be consistent with affection in a LDR because you’ll crave feeling connected to your SO and feelings of missing each other are generally pretty constant. It’s harder, in my opinion, to take your long-distance lover for granted. But if you’re particularly busy, write yourself notes to remind yourself to do something nice for her. The element of surprise always helps, and LDRs give the best opportunities to let out your romantic-and-lame side. My advice is to mix it up – use love letters, nice emails, send a link to a song, make something for her, send flowers/chocolate/teddies/the shirt you wore today, photos, famous quotes – whatever. Almost everything can say “you’re always on my mind”.
Remember to have fun together and while doing things for her and consistency will not be a problem.
A lot of LDRs progress in fits and bursts because of the lost time thing but really, there’s a lot you can still do with the wonders of modern technology. Generally your emotional connection, the depth to which you know each other / the details of each other’s lives and your future planning will be strong and well-advanced compared to someone in a NPR while the physical things will be lacking – for example physical intimacy and knowing how to work together as a team. My advice here is to not put things off until the next visit. Turn on your webcams and microphones and talk out everything as it comes at you. Have internet dates. Meet each other’s friends. Don’t put your lives on pause while you’re apart.
How people expect their special days to be celebrated varies depending on each person of course, but sending a gift in the mail that’s timed to arrive as close to the date as possible is the easiest solution. You can also get her friends and family on board to help you plan and enact surprises. There are gift stores and florists that will deliver on an exact date. You can also record special occasion messages; you can post a video on youtube about how great you think she is for Valentine’s day, send a card every day for a week for her birthday, or even contact her local radio station to give a shout out for your anniversary. Be creative!
Dear Miss U,
We’ve been going out for 9 months, when he leaves it’ll be our year anniversary. We live in the UK and he’s just received a scholarship to study in Georgia, America for 10 months. I know we’re only young but I don’t want it to end just because he’s leaving, we haven’t spoken about what we’re going to do yet, how should I bring it up? And I keep worrying that things won’t be the same when he comes back, what if he doesn’t want me anymore? What kind of things can we do so we don’t drift apart?
Confused
Dear Confused,
The direct route is always the best way to deal with things to avoid further confusion. Try “Do you have a moment to talk? I’m feeling concerned about what will happen to our relationship once you’re in America”. Make sure he knows you’re happy for him, that you support him and that you don’t want this relationship to end just because you’ll be apart for a little while. Ten months feels like forever while you’re doing it, but really it’s quite a short period of time and there’s no reason your relationship couldn’t survive a LDR of that length.
There’s a risk in all relationships that people will grow apart or one person will lose interest – not just LDRs – but the best you can do is maintain a healthy level of contact and endeavour to keep the relationship enjoyable for both parties.
Talk out your expectations, hopes and fears.
