Dear Miss U,
I met this guy in my home town back in April. I never expected for it to go this far. I live far away from him but we ended up kissing, I was only in my hometown for 2 weeks. However, I went back for 2 months in summer, I completely fell in love with him, much more happened than just kiss. Since I have got back though I feel like I am annoying him, I feel as if he doesn’t want to talk to me. He mentions other girls but then says he is joking and likes to see me get jealous. Am I being oblivious? We haven’t made things official yet but I have so much love for him. He doesn’t want to make any promises either because he said “anything could happen and that he finds it hard in trusting people” please help, I don’t know what to do, I am so confused. Do I ask for space and see what happens after a week or so? I don’t want to give up on him, I know it’s all there, I’m just feelings so hopeless.
EH
Dear EH,
It’s not looking promising. I feel that part of the allure he felt was that you lived far away and so you could explore your mutual attraction without committing a serious amount of time or effort into maintaining the emotional side of the relationship. Certainly the things he is saying to you now are hurtful and not at all funny. Love isn’t a game, so stop letting him mess with you.
You can cut ties and move on, or you can tell him flat-out you’re not putting up with his games and disrespect; but either way don’t allow yourself to be used like this. Once it’s hurting someone, once it is only fun for one of you – it’s over. He’s already indicated he isn’t interested in pursuing a real relationship, at least not at this point in time, so I personally think you’re just hurting yourself by hanging on to this one.
I understand that you don’t want to give up on him, but before you proceed any further, ask yourself what you are actually getting out of this relationship. What makes it worth it? If your best answer is “Love” or “I love him” it’s time to let go. Love isn’t enough. Love is not all it takes. And love is not a good enough excuse to be treated like a joke.
Dear Miss U,
My boyfriend and I are new with LDR. I’m from the Philippines and he’s in the USA. He’s been there for 2 months. We were dating for more than 5 months before he came there.
When we were together, he was very loving and affectionate to me. He would go miles just to see me, give me gifts and would always be sweet.
I agreed with the LDR because we love each other so much.
When he came to US, he changed. I don’t know if it was because we can’t just see each other face to face. I would always be the one to initiate contact and would tell him to skype. He also doesn’t like to do those skype movie dates. And we have this 12 hour difference in which we both work.
Aside from that, when we talk he would not tell me things about his day because he said that it was just the same every day. He looked very bored. But when I’m asking him if he loves me, he would always say yes.
I know we love each other but if this continues, I’m afraid he’ll lose interest with me soon 🙁 How would I make things work between us? I don’t want to lose him 🙁
Yehl
Dear Yehl,
You need to have a talk to him about making the health of the relationship a priority and putting effort in, because this is something you can’t fix on your own. He needs to actually care enough about the relationship to meet you half way.
It is hard but not impossible to have good contact with a large time difference. If he doesn’t want to have movie dates, what is he willing to do? (If the answer is nothing, then that tells you a lot about how much he values the relationship and you can begin moving on.) Movie dates aren’t for everyone, but there’s a huge variety of things you can do either with or for each other to keep the relationship fun. Michelle and Frank have provided a long list of ideas you can go through elsewhere on this website.
If he’s worried about boring you by telling you about his day, then he needs to be paying more attention to the world around him. Did he tell his coworkers a funny joke? Did he work on something that made him proud? Interact with a particularly annoying customer? Did he learn something new? See something curious on the way home? What about world events – encourage him to share his opinions on what’s happening in the world, or to tell you tidbits he found interesting.
There are lots of ways you can share your days and keep each other involved in your day to day lives. If you’re really time poor, there’s snapchat. – Here’s my nutritious breakfast – This is how great I looked leaving the house today – Ugh! Look at this mess the co-worker I don’t like left at my desk! – What a glorious sunset, glad I could share it with you. You get the idea. It’s not about having the most exciting life, it’s about having an exciting person you wish to include in your life.
But both of you need to care. Both of you need to talk about what you are willing to do, what you need, what you expect and what makes you happy. You need to remember you are on the same team and act in accordance.
I can assure you, that a long distance relationship won’t last long term if you don’t give it the same effort as you would a near-proximity relationship. There is no pause button. This is your love life now, and it’s up to both of you to make it awesome.
