Miss You Issues: Ladies in Waiting - Long Distance Relationship Advice

Dear Miss U,

My boyfriend broke up with me because his depression was bigger than any problem he and I could ever encounter. It’s been 4 days since we broke up and two since we last spoke. I reached out, yes I know bad idea, but it was to clarify that I am still here for him and that I love him. This is an entirely devastating situation/circumstance to be surpassing, but I want to be able to hold my head up high and move past this. I believed in him and I. I ultimately believed he and I were going to be together forever and that I would be here for him and he would be there for me when I needed him. We’ve known each other for almost three years and finally decided to date almost a year ago, last thanksgiving. Please help me. What direction should I take? How can I help him? Should I give him space? please please, ease the pain. I can’t keep crying anymore.

Nostalgic in New York

Dear Nostalgic,

I’m sorry for your pain, but I strongly believe once you have healed from this you will look back in gratitude and celebrate your freedom. Love isn’t enough, particularly not one-sided love, and I’m still convinced from your last letter that you’re better off without him.

Depression is a mental illness. You can not save him, just as you could not heal him if he had heart disease. Beyond this, people need to be at the point where they want help for your efforts to not be wasted.

As painful as it is, this relationship is over. You need to look to caring for yourself now. The more you contact him and cling to a dream where he wants a relationship with you, gets his depression under control and actually treats you with respect the longer it will take you to recover and move on. The pain seems unbearable now, but I know you have the strength to push through until the day comes where you wonder why this mountain seemed insurmountable.

In time I hope you learn to love yourself as much as, if not more than, you have loved him.

Dear Miss U,

This guy I met it feels like we are together told me that he’s joining the marines and it got me really down and I cried and he’s doing it because he feels like he needs to do it but he doesn’t want me to wait and that when he comes back if our love is that strong it’s meant to be he doesn’t want to waste my early 20’s and live my life not worrying about him

Should I listen to him and not wait or should I wait? because I truly care about him and for some reason I have that feeling that I love him and I could see him being in my life and we both understand each other of what we gone through I’m tired I can’t stop crying still trying to handle this news please help me

Don’t know what to do

Dear DKWTD,

I would follow his advice to live your life rather than waiting on him. Go have experiences and build your career around yourself and your goals for the future. Travel while you are young and relatively free. There’s no reason you can’t remain friends and see if your love remains undimmed by time and distance; you don’t need formalized titles or to bog yourself down with romanticized notions of waiting nobly for his return for you to have a future together. Stay in touch, keep it fun, and build a solid foundation of friendship while you chase your dreams – just as he is chasing his.

Dear Miss U,

My bf and I are a pretty new couple and within the past month, he moved for his job. He’s four hours away which means it’s one of the better situations for long distance. However, his schedule as a college athletic coach means he often works six days a week with most weekends traveling to other states for tournaments.

I’ve recently realized just how much I care for this man and how I am falling more for him every day. But I’m afraid of pushing him away by being too needy in the LDR.

How do I continue to develop this relationship with him when his schedule makes visits so rare?

I know I’m falling for him but will his feelings slow due to how much he has going on with the new job, apartment, and city?

My biggest question is, how do I show him how serious I am about this without overwhelming and pushing him away?

Falling in Florida

Dear Falling in Florida,

Actions speak louder than words; use your actions both in person and online/at a distance to demonstrate your love and your independence. Make contact with him in ways that don’t require a response when you know he is busy and acknowledge that you know he has a lot going on and you don’t want to ask more than he can give. Show your understanding even as you communicate your own needs and feelings. Unless you start making demands of his time, I doubt he would become overwhelmed and withdraw.

Your relationship will continue to develop through the contact you have, you don’t need to do anything specific to achieve that goal.